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Question
Posted by: Melanie | 2012/10/15

Shattered Lives

I am a 40 year old mother of two kids, currently going through a divorce. My husband of 15 years cheated and had a child with his mistress. I have made peace with the fact that my marriage was over, however, I am very angry and bitter over the betrayal by both my husband and mistress coz my children’ s lives have been changed forever coz of two selfish individuals. My children’ s lives have been drastically changed overnight, they have lost a home they were born and raised in, they have to change schools coz their father cannot longer afford coz he has an additional dependants, I have to deal with an ADHD 7 year old boy and a 12 year old girl, who feels rejected and whose views on men will never be the same again. And I have to deal with highly righteous individuals who have answers and knowledge about why wives like me find themselves in this situation. I am angry coz everybody expects and tells me to be a better person and forget about it. Why should I be a better person, when my children’ s lives have been destroyed and while someone decided to have a child with my husband &  rub it in my face as if it is the biggest achievement ever? Why is it that everyone blames the wives when men stray and then again expect them to be better persons?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes indeed they were two selfish and irresponsible people ; though allowing your natural sense of anger and bitterness about their bad behaviour to drag you down, amplifies the harm they did you and the children. I wonder legally ( morally there's no doubt ) whether his primary duty is still to your children, rather than having them suffer to support the children of the women who was happy to join him in cheating, who was presumably supporting them before hand, and where presumably there should be their biofather who was previously providing support for them ?
Dont just passively suggest whatever he is suggesting, but get good legal advice, and try to get a court to order him to provide fully for his own kids, before taking on someone else's

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012/10/17

Hi Melanie

I am really sorry that your two children now has to grow up in a broken home because some whore, could not keep her legs close. And your husband could not keep his pants up, however, I don''t see the need for why you have to take your children out of a private school. Like Ricky said, sue them both. Not for the hell of it, but because your children are now living in a broken home. And because you need to make sure that they have a secure future. With a sound and quality education and health care. Your husband must remember, that your children is still his responsibilty as well. The decision he makes will also affect the children. (like not giving them a good education).

Good luck

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Finished/Enough | 2012/10/15

I agree with Nomsa - Karma - There''s no Menus - you''ll get served, what you deserve !!

They will see they cannot build their happiness on someone else''s unhappiness.

Its so sad for you and for the kids. And you will have to go through the motions and come out stronger on the other side.

Hugs.

Reply to Finished/Enough
Posted by: Nomsa | 2012/10/15

Society and mainly WOMEN and Mistress seems to think they know you better than you know yourself and they think they know what goes on in your home, bedroom etc., coz they have PHD’ s on what makes men happy and they know what the PROBLEM is with all married women. The best revenge you can do to the mistress is to give her your husband, congratulate her on a fight well fought  she now has the full package. KARMA is a b4#$@%.

Reply to Nomsa
Posted by: Lilly | 2012/10/15

You are in the same situation as a friend of mine. The thing is, most people Do realise its the ex-husband that is the rotter! You were faithful and probably did nothing wrong, life can throw nasty things at you and he is more than likely the weaker person for not putting in more effort in the marriage and taking the immature way out.
I feel for your stresses. Try to accept support (from those than offer it!) and try to take some time out for yourself now and then. Do small things that bring you joy. Its not an easy path..but plenty of people go through horrendous tormoils (cancer, etc etc) and life can be hard. Just try to see the positive where you can. and I hope you might perhaps find a BETTER man in the future!! hang in there.

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Ricky | 2012/10/15

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a terrible time in your life...find out from your Lawyer if you cab sue the mistress..just for the hell of it..and donnot be Mrs nice guy..make sure you get every cent that is due to you...make sure your husband cannot look after this mistress..your kids come first..and good riddens to bad shit..remember if he cheats with you..he will cheat on you..

Reply to Ricky
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/15

Yes indeed they were two selfish and irresponsible people ; though allowing your natural sense of anger and bitterness about their bad behaviour to drag you down, amplifies the harm they did you and the children. I wonder legally ( morally there's no doubt ) whether his primary duty is still to your children, rather than having them suffer to support the children of the women who was happy to join him in cheating, who was presumably supporting them before hand, and where presumably there should be their biofather who was previously providing support for them ?
Dont just passively suggest whatever he is suggesting, but get good legal advice, and try to get a court to order him to provide fully for his own kids, before taking on someone else's

Reply to cybershrink

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