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Question
Posted by: Jenny | 2010/09/20

shared chores around the house

i met a guy who seem really wonderful. he has all the time for me, we spend a lot of time together, he is really committed and is more of a father to my baby than his father ever could be. but then my problem is, he expects to not do anything around the house. like when we spend a weekend together, he just sleeps, wakes up, sit on the couch, i make breakfast, lunch, dinner bring it to him, when he is done eating, instead of just getting up, take the dishes to the sink, not even to wash them, he expects me to get up fetch the dishes, while he changes from 1 programme to another. i don''t mind cooking, doing the washing, ironing, cleaning the house, but a little effort on his part would be nice. i am so turned off now about this relationship, i feel he is taking advantage and being too comfortable. but is it really normal for a person to expect a bath to be ran for him, decide and give him ironed clothes that he should wear, make the bed, while he is just being a " man" ? I am really turned off by this behaviour, and he seems to not understand what i am complaining about - because i am a woman....for me, this is just not on, at all...as it is i go out of my way to make sure there is cooked meals, house is clean, clothes are clean, but for him to sit on the couch and give orders...like we would be sitting together, if he wants water, he would ask me to get him, why not just get up go get a class of water...I really thought we could be good together, but this is the kind of behaviour i cannot handle, am i being petty??? really?! i told him i don''t mind doing things for him, but there are limits, and i will not take being (abused), he thinks i am being melodramatic, can i help this, or should i just give him the red card???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe you're not being melodramatic ( the drama is hardly melo ) but he does sound like a lazy lout, prepared to pay with afection, to have you as a marvellous lover / cook / and house-maid. At today's rates, that's pretty cheeap.
YOu don't need to make a quarrel out of it, but calmly telll him that while you appreciate his affections, you are no a servant, and expect him to pull his wait as regardfs household chores.
If he doesn't wash up after you have cooked the meal, tell him there won't be enough clean dishes for you to serve the next meal. And if he waits for you to run a bath for him, let him wait.
Whatever he is being, it's not a "man".

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: tired | 2010/09/20

I am sitting with the same predicament!! think hes lived with his mother way to long!

Reply to tired
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/20

His mom probably did everything for him and raised him to expect the same from a girlfriend or wife. I agree that he is taking advantage of you. Do you really want to try and build a future with this guy?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Lego | 2010/09/20

What part of being a partner do some of my fellow men not understand? Geez, and then he probably complains when you are too tired for sex. Find yourself a real man.

Reply to Lego
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/20

Maybe you're not being melodramatic ( the drama is hardly melo ) but he does sound like a lazy lout, prepared to pay with afection, to have you as a marvellous lover / cook / and house-maid. At today's rates, that's pretty cheeap.
YOu don't need to make a quarrel out of it, but calmly telll him that while you appreciate his affections, you are no a servant, and expect him to pull his wait as regardfs household chores.
If he doesn't wash up after you have cooked the meal, tell him there won't be enough clean dishes for you to serve the next meal. And if he waits for you to run a bath for him, let him wait.
Whatever he is being, it's not a "man".

Reply to cybershrink

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