Our expert says:
You have explained yourself rather well. And these ARE crucial issues to be discussing with your therapist. There are many reasons ( some of which we have discussed before ) why someone in therapy can become obsessed with their therapist, including erotic fantasies and feelings - if discussed openly and frankly with a competent and responsible therapist, this can be useful in working through elements of your problems that really need to be dealt with. There is no benefit in keeping these ideas and feelings to yourself.
What your uncle did was wrong in many ways, including illegal, and in the eyes of most people, it was sinful - of HIM. It was no sinful or wrong or abnormal for you to have been victimized by this bad man, or for you to have been normally aroused by parts of your experienced. And masturbation is entirely normal and usual, and almost universal.
Having and enjoying sex isn't any more animal-like in humans, than is eating, or drinking, or other normal body functions.
Your therapist, if he was even half as competent and nice as he probably is, will understand if you reveal all these concerns, and will be able to help you to resolve these issues and move beyond them. Indeed, he needs to be able to work with these to be successful in really halping you.
You in no way "betray" him by having thee thoughts and feelings, or by revealing them. No more than someone with a broken arm "betrays" anyone by feeling pain in the broken arm.
I'm sure he recognizes you as a good person who has had some bad experiences, who feels inappropriately and undeservedly ashamed and guilty, and is nowhere even remotely evil.
He will probably be expecting that some such issues are present and significant for you, and should be waiting for you to reveal them in discussion with him, so that you can work through them together to set you free from all the unfortunate repercussions of someone else who did bad things to you.
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