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Question
Posted by: confused | 2009-03-04

Shame

We have been involved now for two years. During this time our intimate times have been tremendous and I have felt satisfied. At one stage we were intimate almost everyday. Then it changed and my partner started losing interest and the treatment that I was getting from him was one of rejection and I felt that I am being treated like a one-night stand. Our relationship has subsequently deteriorated and we are no longer together but there have been times since the breakup that we have been together. These times have been absolutely special but unfortunately the treatment from before has started again. When we have been together, he has always initiated the intimacy. There have been times when I have refused but he has persisted and I have then allowed us to be intimate. Thereafter I have felt bad because I am tired of feeling confused, used and shunned the next day. When I try and discuss the issue of why he is treating me this way he says I have no reason to and he gets annoyed as I say and I quote, " You make me feel like a whore and a one-night stand which I am not" . The fact that he is 51 years of age, does that have any bearing on the situation and he also consumes alcohol virtually everyday. At times during our relationship I caught him masturbating when he thought I was asleep. Can things be rectified?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is quite common for there to be a lot of sex at the beginning of a new relationship. After a few months, this tends to decrease and the relationship consolidates. You should never feel pressured into any sexual relationship, especially one that makes you feel used and abused. Alcohol usage can play a role in his moods as well as in his sexual 'performance'. You should think through all aspects of this relationship and decide whether or not to continue in this way. You may want to see a counsellor or psychologist to help clarify the situation.

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