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Question
Posted by: bryn | 2010-03-29

sexy wife

Been married 25 years and my wife still loves sex.
Only problem is that she insists on when and how etc. I cant tell her what i would like as that causes a fight.
Do i continue with unsatisfying sex or keep asking and risk her stoping sex altogether? Or do i find something on the side to satisfy unfulfilled desires?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

A healthy sexual relationship should aim to satisfy both parties. The fact that she shows interest is an indication that the sexual spark is still alive – it is however to find a way to direct that interest in a mutual satisfying manner. If you just continue the way it is now you are taking a risk of developing an under tone of resentment or infidelity and that will in any case be destructive to the sexual relationship. By the sound of it you could benefit from consulting with a psychologist that works specifically with sexual concerns and couple counseling.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sexologist | 2010-03-31

A healthy sexual relationship should aim to satisfy both parties. The fact that she shows interest is an indication that the sexual spark is still alive – it is however to find a way to direct that interest in a mutual satisfying manner. If you just continue the way it is now you are taking a risk of developing an under tone of resentment or infidelity and that will in any case be destructive to the sexual relationship. By the sound of it you could benefit from consulting with a psychologist that works specifically with sexual concerns and couple counseling.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: bryn | 2010-03-30

Thanks everyone - tried all the above. She absolutely refuses to talk about it at any time and to anyone else. She says " It is my problem and I must deal with it. I must get help to sort out my problem" 

I will continue to do everything she likes - It keeps the peace, and keeps her enjoyng sex. At least I am getting it three or four times a week - not bad after 25 years marriage - even if I am left stressed and unsatisfied.

(I have told her - I don''t trust my self if someone comes past and offers me what she can''t. She says I must not threaten her)

Reply to bryn
Posted by: Guy | 2010-03-30

I agree with a real man on this one. Its so sad that people do this. It is so damaging to a relationship. My advise is try speaking to her again and if she really loves you, she will listen and do something about it. It''s a dificult situation because a relationship is not only about sex, although an important part of a relationship. Give it your 100% and if you still fail then you need to reassess your situation. Good luck

Reply to Guy
Posted by: barry | 2010-03-30

i think since you have been trying to talk to her for ten years already i''m sure you tried every senario to get her to see things your way, have you tried a relationship therapist? i would suggest that 1st and if you have already, well my friend a man has needs too so i think tell her its either she listens or she can go #$%^ someone else.

Reply to barry
Posted by: Belinda | 2010-03-30

You must sit down and talk to her, but not at the time that sex is being initiated. This is important, as there is less threat to both of you. You must ask her to listen to you and not interrupt, and then you can do the same for her. Talk positively initially, and then talk about the negatives and how it makes you feel. Hopefully, this will lead to some good discussion. Pick your moment. Good luck.

Reply to Belinda
Posted by: bryn | 2010-03-29

i have tried talking for the last 10 years. Always refuses to see the problem! I also believe her satisfaction to continued sex life - but at what cost?

Reply to bryn
Posted by: A real Man | 2010-03-29

You know I have always strived to please my lady with what she wants and how she wants it, as I believe that is the right way to behave. BUT I would not be held to ransom if I felt that I was being short changed. You must not chicken out from telling her in no uncertian terms that she is being unreasonably selfish and that she HAS to meet you along the way for you to get a bit of what you want. Open communication is essential.I do not believe in going outside the relationship for satisfaction, but at the end of the day if you are being stonewalled, by someone who is being so selfish , a guy has to weigh up his options.

Reply to A real Man
Posted by: A real Man | 2010-03-29

You know I have always strived to please my lady with what she wants and how she wants it, as I believe that is the right way to behave. BUT I would not be held to ransom if I felt that I was being short changed. You must not chicken out from telling her in no uncertian terms that she is being unreasonably selfish and that she HAS to meet you along the way for you to get a bit of what you want. Open communication is essential.I do not believe in going outside the relationship for satisfaction, but at the end of the day if you are being stonewalled, by someone who is being so selfish , a guy has to weigh up his options.

Reply to A real Man

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