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Question
Posted by: Jazz | 2010/05/07

Sexually frustrated - advise

Hi I am married and I love sex and at the moment I will do anything just to have sex as I am sitting here I am thinking of it.

I have never tried satisfying myself although I am so frustrated.

My husband is just not interested in sex and if we do it it will only last a minute and them I am still frustrated and just want to carry on. What can I do.

N NEED SEX> 

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It sounds like there may be two issues here: the short time that sex lasts for and your husbands lack of interest in sex. The one may be related to the other. The less frequent the sex is, the more quickly he is likely to ejaculate and also it may be that he is less interested if he feels bad about his ability to delay his ejaculation. I wonder if you have spoken to him about this in order to try to understand and also to explain to him (in a loving way) the effect that this has on you. Once you have some understanding then you can begin to decide the way forward. I would also suggest that you explore why you don't give yourself pleasure in the absence of any...but I am not suggesting that this would be a replacement at all. Your sexuality is an important part of your identity and should be included as part of your needs as an adult.

Claire
SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Oldster | 2010/05/08

Jislaaik Simone you have said a mouthful ! For Dan and Horny Guy, you two are SUCH pricks. Wht don''t you grow up? This is an adult site with serious discussions taking place, there is no room for the likes of you two.

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/05/08

It sounds like there may be two issues here: the short time that sex lasts for and your husbands lack of interest in sex. The one may be related to the other. The less frequent the sex is, the more quickly he is likely to ejaculate and also it may be that he is less interested if he feels bad about his ability to delay his ejaculation. I wonder if you have spoken to him about this in order to try to understand and also to explain to him (in a loving way) the effect that this has on you. Once you have some understanding then you can begin to decide the way forward. I would also suggest that you explore why you don't give yourself pleasure in the absence of any...but I am not suggesting that this would be a replacement at all. Your sexuality is an important part of your identity and should be included as part of your needs as an adult.

Claire
SASHA

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Hornyguy | 2010/05/07

Jazz mail me hornyguy67 at gmail dot com

Reply to Hornyguy
Posted by: simone | 2010/05/07

Dear Jazz,
Not having sex desire can be becouse of various reasons,like stress,personal problems,other factors etc.But if someone comppletly doesn''t want sex it may be the case of sexulal apathy (I''m not sure if this is the case,but just read it through).
Sexual apathy takes different forms and may occur when someone doesn''t feel close or intimate to his or her partner. Sexual apathy (aka, sexual aversion, hypoactive sexual desire, or inhibited sexual desire) is a common sexual disorder characterized by a low level of interest in sex.A person with primary sexual apathy may never have had sexual desire or interest, whereas a person who experiences secondary sexual apathy may have had sexual desire in the past, but not currently. Some people may not have interest in having sex with her/his partner, while another may not have interest in sex generally. In some cases, an individual may believe that her/his partner is sexually apathetic, but it may just be that their libidos are different.
Nevertheless, keep in mind that the range of sexual interest and sexual expression among humans varies widely. Some people who have a low or no sex drive may identify as asexual and not consider this to be a problem. While low/no sex drive may be characterized as a disorder by some in the health care community and by those who are concerned with their partner''s (or their own) low sex drive, having a low (or no) sex drive feels fine for some people. While some may choose to seek treatment for their low sex drive, others may feel completely comfortable with a low sex drive and may not choose to seek help.
Alone, the term " apathy"  means indifference or boredom, but " sexual apathy"  does not necessarily imply that someone is bored or indifferent to sex.
If you feel that your partner may be sexually apathetic and it causes personal distress and/or affects your relationship, it may be helpful to discuss this with your partner and explore steps that you can take together —  or apart —  to understand what may be going on. Depending on personal circumstances, choosing to treat sexual apathy may be an option. A variety of therapies, including exercise, finding ways to better cope with stress, strengthening pelvic muscles, and/or treating underlying medical causes may be helpful for those with sexual apathy. Tips to improve sexual intimacy between partners include:

Communicating with your partner in an open and honest way
Seeking counseling
Setting aside time for intimacy

Communication, support, and treatment (depending on personal circumstances) may help determine whether sexual apathy is a concern and whether to pursue care or treatment. Understanding that sexual desire ranges from person to person may also help a person feel more comfortable with their own (and their partners'') sex drive.

Dear Jazz,this could be also becouse of hormones.Certain hormones, especially testosterone, " the libido hormone,"  play a role in sexual desire and response. A decrease in levels of testosterone causes lowered sexual desire.

Testosterone levels normally decrease as men age. The endocrine system produces hormones such as testosterone, and then production gradually slows. Studies show that when cortisol hormone levels rise, testosterone in men declines. So, stress can also cause lowered testosterone levels in men.
When testosterone levels decrease, men also may notice:

1.increased irritability
2.added sluggishness
3.depressed moods
4.decreased desire to participate in once pleasurable activities or events, such as playing or watching sports and/or being social with friends and family

Testosterone therapy can increase desire  however, it cannot increase the frequency and/or quality of erections. If erections are an issue for you, you can also talk with your health care provider about natural ways to achieve sexual stimulation. Medications are a final means for correction of this issue because with drugs, such as Viagra and Levitra, you may get an erection at inopportune times. Medications also tend to make erections last longer than normal, which may negatively affect the emotions of your partner, causing sex to be less pleasurable than it would be without drugs. This is because to your partner, the sex may be more about your planned erection as opposed to a spontaneous expression of intimacy between the two of you.
To learn more about testosterone therapy, you can check with your primary care provider.The provider may refer you for additional examination, diagnosis, and possible treatment to a urologist, who may send you to an endocrinologist. If you were not seen by an endocrinologist, it makes sense to get a second opinion, especially since this specialist is the medical provider who can best help you form a course of action concerning a decrease in or low level of testosterone.
This is just some info,Dear your problem can be completly other,even based on just emotional background.So try to communicate with your artner to find out.
Good Luck!!!

Reply to simone
Posted by: Dan | 2010/05/07

Boomsie tried all of that and nothing works .

Reply to Dan
Posted by: boomsie | 2010/05/07

ok guys come on, behave please. this is sin remember.
your both married, need sex, frustrated....
talk to your partners, send them a sexy naughty sms, or call him /her, they will get erected, and tonight you will both get some love. it works. realy.

Reply to boomsie
Posted by: Dan | 2010/05/07

I am so frusated myself and just sitting at my desk also thinking of sex. I want it like right now - the reason for this is that i dont get any at home. Where are you Jazz?

Reply to Dan

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