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Question
Posted by: mom2boys | 2011-04-11

sexual education

Hi, proff....my oldest son is almost turning 8. I''ve come to notice that he started to use VERY sexual suggestive bodylanguage for example to show that something is cool or great. He even showed me the other day....putting and pulling his middle finger into his mouth! When I asked him what he was doing he realized this must be unecceptable and said his finger was itching! When I asked him if he knows what al this means he said no....stupid me overreacted before, because of shock and obviously now he closed up and don''t want to tell me where he saw all this.. How do I explain to him that this behaviour is socially unexceptable without giving him an in detail sex talk? Is he to young? And how do I explain to him that what he''s friends are doing isn''t nice? He is a very clever, a bit more introverted boy who will do anything to be part of the peer group and be acceepted!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Always the problem with an instinctive or reflex over-reaction, isn't it ? Tips off the kid that there's something wrong with what he did, and to cover up its origins. 8 is not to you to begin talking about sex with a child - especially if one sees it as best done as part of a long-term continuing conversation, rather than a one-off Big Event. From the sound of it he may indeed be even a bit more open to peer pressure and the wish to be accepted, than usual.
As maria rightly emphasizes, the antomoical details continue to be relevant, but the chats are most improtant as a way of discussing and encouraging the issues of values and respect for others and oneself

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011-04-11

He is old enough for that detail sex talk, especially if he is behaving in a way that suggests he is getting information about sex elsewhere. You need to tell him not just about the mechanics of sex but about the VALUES that you have related to sex. Put emphasis on respect for yourself and others, including respect for your bodies. Good luck. My daugther is 8 and it''s not an easy thing to discuss but it''s our job as parents. If he doesn''t get the correct information and healthy values from you he will get incorrect information and corrupt values from friends.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-11

Always the problem with an instinctive or reflex over-reaction, isn't it ? Tips off the kid that there's something wrong with what he did, and to cover up its origins. 8 is not to you to begin talking about sex with a child - especially if one sees it as best done as part of a long-term continuing conversation, rather than a one-off Big Event. From the sound of it he may indeed be even a bit more open to peer pressure and the wish to be accepted, than usual.
As maria rightly emphasizes, the antomoical details continue to be relevant, but the chats are most improtant as a way of discussing and encouraging the issues of values and respect for others and oneself

Reply to cybershrink

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