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Question
Posted by: Shania | 2008/10/02

Sexual curiosity only 5 yrs old

My little 5 yr old (Tom) and a friend (Harry) from school (2 months older) were splashing around in the jaccuzi at home. As I went to check on them, I saw Harry llicking Toms behind, then stop. Tom turned around and Harry, holding his own penis appeared to be asking Tom to now " do something"  to his (Harry' s) penis. Help. Am I blowing this out of proportion?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, I'm not sure what proportion you're blowing it into. I don't think this is any serious sign of depravity or anything sinister in the kids. Curiousity and exploration in sexual and anatomical matters is normal and commonplace. Of course it is possible that the boys' interests in this area might have been aroused by accidental exposure to sexually explicity materials or behaviour, and it is even possible that they might have been exposed to abuse from older people --- thouigh such abuse is almost always accompanied by clear training to keep this secret, so it's maybe less likely to have been imitated when they knew they could be observed --- that rather suggests they had a more innocent view of what they were doing.
One should hesitate to make firm assumptions about what "must or "cannot" have happened. The first step would be. without making it seem as though something catastrophic or wicked has happened ( which would probably lead to a child becoming evasive ) to have a quiet talk with your son about what you saw, asking what it was about, and where they got those ideas, or whether he has experienced anything similar before.
Be cautious about over-reacting, as children can be more damaged by the outrage and severe anxiety shown by parents than by the actual events.
Keep a discrete eye on the kids from here on, to see if this seems to be being repeated, which would be more of a cause for concern. And I'd consider taking him to a child psych only if he shows clear signs of disturbance, such as regression ( loss of developmental advances, such as resuming bed-wetting ) anxiety tied to particular places or people, nightmares, and so on.

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Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2008/10/03

Take your son to a psychologist for counselling it sounds like he has seen or experienced something which at his age, he should not know about.... Have you spoken to the mother of the other child? Maybe the boys saw ' bue'  movies accidentally?????

Reply to XXX
Posted by: AFTO | 2008/10/03

Surely, surely this is a joke? A post about Tom, a dick and Harry? No way....

Reply to AFTO
Posted by: Guru | 2008/10/02

Well.First thing' s first,children do go through a stage where they begin to learn sexually but this is usually through touching themselves and masturbation.However the extent that your child and his friend sound' s quite abnormal.If they were doing this,they have either seen someone else doing this or they have been asked to do this to someone.However children learn by imitating so this is the most definetly copied or learned from someone else.You should have a talk to your son and tell him that asking someone to do this is wrong at his age.Also keep an eye out as your son may be getting sexually abused.Look out for reoccuring sexual behaviour,nervous behaviour(bed wetting,fear of adults of a certain sex) and reluctance to go to a certain place/to see a certain person.Of course this may not be the case but just in case it is keep an eye out!

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