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Question
Posted by: Mary-Ann | 2010/10/07

SEXUAL

why is it, when two fourteen old teens have sex it is ok, but when i was fourteen and had sex with a man of 30 is wrong and everyone tries to make him out to be the bad one, why why, i know it''s along time ago, but i wanted sex with him, i know lots of girls who were 14 and older had sex with older men, i don''t hear them complaining, or file a sexual abuse against someone. Why why does it bother some about having sex with older guys and for others it''s fun etc..... everyone says we are to young but even our parents had sex at that age... i just wanted to get this off my mind..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are illogicalities within the law and social atitudes, I suppose. But you are making several important errors. You are generalizing to the whole world on the basis of your own experience.
YOu're saying : because you had sex when 14 with a man twice your age, and enjoyed it and feel sure there were no ill-effects - you are convinced that every kid of 14 can have sex with an adult and nobody will ever have problems - that's definitely untrue. Many will indeed have various problems arising from such experiences.
Then you are saying that you were entirely willing, independently chose to do it, and was not in any way exploited. If so, you're lucky and most unuual. It is pathetically easy for older people to exploit younger folks, to pressurize or persuade them to do things which are not to their benefit but only serve the pleasure of the older person.
The law and society must protect the vulnerable from exploitation and harm, not cater to the pleasures of a few who may not be bothered.
And, with all due respect, though you don't mention your current age, you really don't sound adult and mature yet, and may have even damaged in ways you don't yet notice or recognize

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Our users say:
Posted by: Unique | 2010/10/08

The point is
1) you were too young to make the decision
2) the 30 year old may have manipulated you into believe this is what you want
3) As an adult he should have refused even if you showed up naked dancing like Beyonce''.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: Mary-Ann | 2010/10/08

it seems most of you had forgotten what it was like to be at that age.

Reply to Mary-Ann
Posted by: LP | 2010/10/08

agreed....person does not sound very mature at all.

Reply to LP
Posted by: Laila | 2010/10/08

R u sure your 24, you sound 14 years old..if so listen to your adults or parents before you get yourself into deep trouble !

Reply to Laila
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/10/08

At 14 years of age the reasoning part of the brain is still developing. Only around 21 does this development become complete. This means if you are 14 yrs old you still need adults to do the reasoning for you. If you fell pregnant during that time it was going to be the adults'' problem and not yours, go figure.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: LP | 2010/10/08

wait til you have a daughter of 14....you will be singing another tune then

Reply to LP
Posted by: Mary-Ann | 2010/10/08

thanx for the feedback, but i''m 24years of age, and even though the man i''m referring to didn''t want to get involved with me, but honestly i miss him we don''t have any contact anymore, but it''s not about don''t care i believe that i rather have sex with a more mature guy who knows how to make you feel good in stead of a young boy who don''t just think about himself.

Reply to Mary-Ann
Posted by: Unique | 2010/10/07

Yes some people can be more mature than their age but the law has to be on the safe side i.e. protect the majority of the girls.

I''m not saying this is the case with you but a 30 year old man can make you lust him e.g. showing you things that he know will arouse certain feelings, saying what you need to hear etc.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: Mary-Ann | 2010/10/07

i don''t agree with you Unique, i was the one who lust after him, there''s a difference when the guy forces you, but not when you need it, i think some girls are a little more mature than others once again.

Reply to Mary-Ann
Posted by: Unique | 2010/10/07

Because it would be VERY easy for a 30 year old to lead a 14year old to believe that this is what she wants even if it''s not.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/07

There are illogicalities within the law and social atitudes, I suppose. But you are making several important errors. You are generalizing to the whole world on the basis of your own experience.
YOu're saying : because you had sex when 14 with a man twice your age, and enjoyed it and feel sure there were no ill-effects - you are convinced that every kid of 14 can have sex with an adult and nobody will ever have problems - that's definitely untrue. Many will indeed have various problems arising from such experiences.
Then you are saying that you were entirely willing, independently chose to do it, and was not in any way exploited. If so, you're lucky and most unuual. It is pathetically easy for older people to exploit younger folks, to pressurize or persuade them to do things which are not to their benefit but only serve the pleasure of the older person.
The law and society must protect the vulnerable from exploitation and harm, not cater to the pleasures of a few who may not be bothered.
And, with all due respect, though you don't mention your current age, you really don't sound adult and mature yet, and may have even damaged in ways you don't yet notice or recognize

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/07

There are illogicalities within the law and social atitudes, I suppose. But you are making several important errors. You are generalizing to the whole world on the basis of your own experience.
YOu're saying : because you had sex when 14 with a man twice your age, and enjoyed it and feel sure there were no ill-effects - you are convinced that every kid of 14 can have sex with an adult and nobody will ever have problems - that's definitely untrue. Many will indeed have various problems arising from such experiences.
Then you are saying that you were entirely willing, independently chose to do it, and was not in any way exploited. If so, you're lucky and most unuual. It is pathetically easy for older people to exploit younger folks, to pressurize or persuade them to do things which are not to their benefit but only serve the pleasure of the older person.
The law and society must protect the vulnerable from exploitation and harm, not cater to the pleasures of a few who may not be bothered.
And, with all due respect, though you don't mention your current age, you really don't sound adult and mature yet, and may have even damaged in ways you don't yet notice or recognize

Reply to cybershrink

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