Our expert says:
Indeed, normal people do differ quite widely not only in what aspects of sex happen to appeal to them, buit in how interested they are in it. Its one of the issues obviously worthwhile for couples to explore and understand before committing to a long-term relationship.
And from your description, your husband sounds less than uninterested, and more like actively disliking it.
When you refer to his ocasional attempts as lasting 5 or 10 seconds, I wonder whether perhaps he has premature ejaculation or Erectile Dysfunction, or some such problem, which makes him feel a failure and to generally no wish to expose himself to failure when attempting sex ? If something like this is the case, then your atempts to be sexually provocaive could worsen the situartion, alarming him still more, and making him feel still less competent
It even sounds as though he may generally have problems related to letting go, being disinhibited, even to enjoying himself at all.
Surely marriage counselling should have been tried, and perhaps he could be persuaded to seek individual counselling for what sounds like a more general and broad problem relating to his ability to enjoy life overall ? There sound like problems in intimacy and affection and in expesing these, too, and not only in terms of physical sex
As Maria emphasizes, it sounds as though there are problems in more areas of your marriage than only the sex.
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