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Question
Posted by: Patricia | 2011/03/09

Sex offender in the neighbourhood

Yesterday Police warned about a possible sex offender in our neighbourhood. He has been seen cutting windows of women''s appartments/houses or spying on women while they cook etc. So far the 5 victims were able to call the police or scare him off before he could do anything.

But I can''t stop worrying now. Our house has 4 floors, all of which have glass windows and doors the back.

What''s the best way to deal with a man like this if he manages to get inside and I''m home alone? Would it help to tell him he can go ahead but he should wear a condom because I have AIDS (which I don''t)? Should I be friendly to avoid making him angry? For example, if I asked why he wants to do what he wants to do? If I tried to understand his reasons, etc.. Would that work?

I only knew about him yesterday but now every little sound in the house scares me.


(I posted the same thing on another forum and on this one because I don''t know which one is right.)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's a difference between being "friendly" ( not usully a great idea ) and being passive and accepting, which may be safer. Telling him to go ahead may be interpreted as a go-ahead to do whatever he thinks of, compared with acccepting what he demands, if it is compatible with preserving your safety. And he could argue in court that this meant it was consensual sex and not rape.
As qwerty says, make sure you have taken reasonable steps about safety and home security. Maybe add alarm system and panic button.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/11

There's a difference between being "friendly" ( not usully a great idea ) and being passive and accepting, which may be safer. Telling him to go ahead may be interpreted as a go-ahead to do whatever he thinks of, compared with acccepting what he demands, if it is compatible with preserving your safety. And he could argue in court that this meant it was consensual sex and not rape.
As qwerty says, make sure you have taken reasonable steps about safety and home security. Maybe add alarm system and panic button.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: qwerty | 2011/03/10

If you don''t feel safe, there are things you can do to improve your environment. (install extra locks, security gates if you don''t have them, maybe an alarm system, burglar bars) I''m not saying you can make it absolutely impossible for him to get in, but the more inconvenient and difficult it is for him, the less likely he is to pick your house. Don''t be an easy target.

If you have to be home alone, think of getting something like a panic button. Even if it''s just to have a close by friend or neighbour on speed dial. (it might be a good idea to rally all the neighbours anyway, seeing as he''s a potential threat to all of you)

And finally, I personally would never just tell someone to " go ahead"  if they wanted to rape me. Not too sure about our legal system, but if they catch the guy later he might argue it was consensual sex.
And suppose you say, " You go right ahead, I have AIDS!"  And he replies, " Great, me too!" 

If he doesn''t have a weapon, you can bet your bottom dollar I would fight with everything I have. But of course, it all depends on the situation, and your own safety should always be the first priority.

I personally feel every woman should take a self-defence class (or classes!) at some point. It gives you the confidence and clarity of mind to act in a dangerous situation, and to protect yourself if possible.

Reply to qwerty

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