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Question
Posted by: Ann | 2008/10/07

Sex Life

we got married 2 yrs ago. i love my wife so much but she doesnt like sex even different sex positions &  different types except that she only want to have sex once on saturday&  sundays &  holidays and she want to do it in lttle time also. she is telling dat she get tired during the week as she is working .i love her so much so bt that kind of sex life dont do 4 me.i tlkd 2 her abt de situation but she'  s not intrested..Is she hav any problem or me hav. me in really tension. kindly help me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'.

In addition to these changes (which are nobody's fault), there may be other changes (in you or her, your lives) that mean that her libido has taken even a bigger knock. It is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the relationship - this includes asking her for feedback about how she feels/anything she'd like to improve, and likewise, you give her feedback and discuss what you would like to improve. Do this very gently!

When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It would be unreasonable for her to expect you to operate like her - perhaps try to explain to her in non-sexual terms (e.g. If I say to you when you are thirsty/hungry that I can do without a cup of tea/chocolate cake/whatever therefore so should you, how would you feel? Sexual hunger is similar). This is not to say that you should always get your way either, but I imagine it would do the relationship some good if there were some element of flexibility.

There is no documented evidence ever of a man dying due to sexual frustration, so there is no compulsion to have an affair - that should never be an excuse. Tell her how unhappy you are about the restrictions you feel to your sexual activity; ideally her love for you will take this very seriously and possibly be open to make some changes.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SCAR | 2008/10/07

Ann i have the same problem with my husband we have been married for a year and we have sex atleast once in 3 months he says he is not a sex machine and im tired of running after him for six now its the 5th mnth without sex only because i havent been initiating or making noise about,he will even say that if my ex boyfriends had sex with me everyday i musnt compare him with themand i wasnt,now i have given on sex and im meeting with my ex next week for sex and i feel so guilty i dnt think i' ll go its so confusing.

Reply to SCAR
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/10/07

Ask her what is her problem. We all work and have kids but we still have sex everyday. There is something that she is not telling u. Getting marreid to her was the sign to show her how much u love and appreciate her, i dont understand why cant she satisfy u.
I hope she will change.
Good luck.

Reply to Lolo

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