Our expert says:
As you are discovering, people have different sexual appetites and interests - some are more open to exploration, and this may be create anxiety for others. It may also be that there are problems she is experiencing which lower her interest (e.g. depression, side effects of medication including the contraceptive pill, relationship problems, traumatic sexual learning). The reason for her low interest needs to be understood first.
When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It would be unreasonable for her to expect you to operate like her - perhaps try to explain to her in non-sexual terms (e.g. If I say to you when you are thirsty/hungry that I can do without a cup of tea/chocolate cake/whatever therefore so should you, how would you feel? Sexual hunger is similar). This is not to say that you should always get your way either, but I imagine it would do the relationship some good if there were some element of flexibility.
There is no documented evidence ever of a man dying due to sexual frustration, so there is no compulsion to have an affair - that should never be an excuse. Try to address the problem first, and if you have no joy, then deal with that before trying to find sexual release elsewhere.
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