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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/02/22

Sex is unpleasant

This is very personal, and I wouldn’ t be discussing it with anyone else, but with a professional. My husband and I seem to have a normal sex life. But I feel the intimacy and closeness doesn’ t exist anymore. We don’ t kiss anymore other than hello and good-bye and when we do make love, I don’ t know why but it seems like he’ s competing against the clock to see how quick it can be. And then it’ s over. He doesn’ t want to cuddle after or even talk, just sleep. Foreplay is a nightmare, again, race against time.

We have sex maybe twice or three times a week, and it’ s very routine, during the week, every second day I help him out by playing with his manhood until he’ s reached his orgasm. Then later on in the week, or weekends, its sex. Again, very routine, always in the bedroom, same structure, foreplay first, then sex. Clean up afterwards, and then sleep. We’ ve bought a small vibrator for me, which works wonders, and some lubrication, to spice things up a bit.

I’ ve tried to talk to him and explain how I feel, but he gets all upset and says that our sex life was just fine in the beginning, now all of a sudden, I have issues. He really gets upset, as he thinks what he is doing is ok.

How do I approach him, and tell him that I’ m not enjoying it anymore, without bruising his ego? What he is doing actually hurts me physically. I feel so violated afterwards.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The fact that you are not feeling satisfied and at times even violated is enough reason to address this in your marriage. Men and women have different physical and emotional needs when it comes to sex and making love and the challenge is to have both sides’ needs seen to and met otherwise resentment and anger steps in. It is advisable that you seek professional assistance from a qualified psychologist specializing in sexual concerns to assist you in integrating and discussing all your frustrations. If your husband is not interested for now it still is worth it for you to seek assistance on your own.

People change and so does their physical and emotional needs and preferences and what worked in the past does not necessarily mean that your relationship is in trouble – it just needs adjustments to have both parties’ needs met.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/02/26

The fact that you are not feeling satisfied and at times even violated is enough reason to address this in your marriage. Men and women have different physical and emotional needs when it comes to sex and making love and the challenge is to have both sides’ needs seen to and met otherwise resentment and anger steps in. It is advisable that you seek professional assistance from a qualified psychologist specializing in sexual concerns to assist you in integrating and discussing all your frustrations. If your husband is not interested for now it still is worth it for you to seek assistance on your own.

People change and so does their physical and emotional needs and preferences and what worked in the past does not necessarily mean that your relationship is in trouble – it just needs adjustments to have both parties’ needs met.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: mooted | 2010/02/22

hmmm..sounds to me like you probably gained a few kilos, dont initiate anything new and are completely boring in bed I would suggest inviting a lithe 18 year old into your bed and see how your husband reacts, male or female really depends on what you think your husband would prefer

Reply to mooted
Posted by: Jeff | 2010/02/22

Anon, how old are you guys?

Reply to Jeff
Posted by: Jeff | 2010/02/22

Hey Anon, sorry to hear about your situation. Your man is really selfish - he doesnt realise what he has. Some of us men wish we coild have a women like you in our lives. I agree 100% with Realist. By the way, have you guys seeked proffesional help?

Reply to Jeff
Posted by: juju | 2010/02/22

oh well, get over it! he obviously getting it elsewhere!

Reply to juju
Posted by: Realist | 2010/02/22

Hello ! You husband certainly does not appreciate what he has in someone like you. You sound like a really " together"  girl who knows what she wants. There are many of us guys out here who would just LOVE to have a partner with your approach.
You know, without him communicating with you, its very difficult to be able to provide you with an answer. Its frustrating for you, this I can appreciate, but I wonder why he cannot/will not speak up. Do you think he may have something on the side ? Usually when either partner suddenly
get " silly"  about sex then they are busy elsewhere ?

Another tactic from you could be to keep him on short rations for a while and FORCE him to ask you " What''s the problem"  and then you can tell him. IF however he does not seem phased, you may well consider he has something on the side. Good luck and I am sorry about your circumstances.

Reply to Realist

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