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Question
Posted by: Bella | 2012/01/18

Sex how often

I am married and my husband and I are in our early 40''s. I want to know how often is it normal for married couple our age to have sex? Since our twenties, my husband seemed to lose interest and at one point we only had sex every 6 months. It is now around once a month, which to me feels like it is not enough. He is willing to have sex more if I initiate it, but I tried that for a while and realized that he will never have sex unless I initiate it. That feels wrong, and frankly, I feel very rejected. I have asked him to see a doctor, he refuses as he believes there is nothing wrong with him. My next step is divorce, I can''t live with this kind of constant rejection. Any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Why do you think it is rejection? It seems he has a low sex drive. Do you have any reason to think he is not faithful to you and therefore feel rejected? It may be a good to consult a professional before you consider divorce. Phone the SASHA helpline for the contact details of a professional – 0860 100 262
Deidre - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/09/27

Ahem.... To help fix things we decided to set a schedule for intimate marital relations. Initially we started at once a week. In a few months time we renegotiated to twice per week and shortly after this to every other day. She was having a great time - so was I. She then decided that there was no good reason not to partake EVERY day so for the past seven years - that is EXACTLY what we do. This is OUR normal and we are doing just fine with it.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Marcel | 2012/01/25

to all you lovely ladies that are starving and your hubby''s want no more from you , don''t despair ...there are lots of ways to enjoy what you are seeking........Chatting takes lots of the mind and gives you ease as well and better still ...i am here offering free advice yu can write to me when ever ......valenbrwn..eight..at g..mail ..dot..com....
cheers
M

Reply to Marcel
Posted by: Mr Smiley | 2012/01/24

I''m one of those men who refuse to have sex with my wife anymore. A man can only take so much rejection and shuts off after a while. We as men have great ego''s and after a few rejections that ego is totally cranked. My wife is now the one who initiate sex every time and its my turn to reject her, not that it will help as she has no ego. I''ll rather masturbate than having sex with her BUT will never cheat on her like she did to me. Sad but true

Reply to Mr Smiley
Posted by: Ms. Bee Sting | 2012/01/23

What do you mean, Jim? How do men feel?

Reply to Ms. Bee Sting
Posted by: jim | 2012/01/20

Noww you ladies know how it feels to be a man.

Reply to jim
Posted by: M | 2012/01/20

My husband and I are married 18 years. SOmetimes we go through a week or two without and other times everyday of the week sometimes 3 times a night, depending on our stress levels and pressure of work life and kids.
Maybe he should seek professional help as stress, problems at work, finances etc play a big role and dominate and suppress sexual appetite if problems are severe.

Reply to M
Posted by: embarresed | 2012/01/19

Dear Bella
I am a 32 year old woman, married for 9 years with 2 kids. My husband has told me that he just never thinks of sex. He also refuses to see a profesional because according to him we dont have a problem. Yet, i feel unloved and unwanted. Telling me you love me is not enough, i need him to show me. This is negatively affecting our marriage. I am turning into a sarcastic bitter woman who just complains all the time. The easy way to fix all this is for him to just have sex with me, but he doesnt understand that. I really sympathise with you, and i''m sorry to say this, but i''m sort of reliefed to see other women also have husbands who are not interested in sex. Good luck to you.

Reply to embarresed
Posted by: James | 2012/01/18

Agree XXX. If I ever get the opportunity to cheat I would.

Reply to James
Posted by: XXX | 2012/01/18

I think you will find everyone is different as at the end of the day the ideal should be what both want and need-this might prove to be rare though !
I see no reason why you should not be having sex around 3 times a week whilst only in your forties.In reality one party always seems to be lacking-as a general rule of thumb from what what one reads,in most cases the women don''t want as much as the men.
What too many people don''t appear to appreciate is that regular sex helps keep your relationship stronger &  surely reduces the chances of straying.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: James | 2012/01/18

We''ve been married for 15 years and we are on about once every 2 months

Reply to James
Posted by: Andrea | 2012/01/18

I am in the same boat - i am considering finding a friend with benefits

Reply to Andrea
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/01/18

Why do you think it is rejection? It seems he has a low sex drive. Do you have any reason to think he is not faithful to you and therefore feel rejected? It may be a good to consult a professional before you consider divorce. Phone the SASHA helpline for the contact details of a professional – 0860 100 262
Deidre - SASHA

Reply to sexologist

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