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Question
Posted by: First time | 2008/09/02

Sex for the first time

My boyfriend and i have never had sex before, it will be our first time. Can you people tell me, will it be painful?, etc...
Is there anything i should do?
As i am a very nervous and scared.
And any other information i might need.
Thanks, ....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

First and foremost is it important to check with yourself that your reasons for your fear and nerves are only about pain, rather than in fact not being ready. If you fear is about more than pain, I would encourage you to think very carefully about why you are wanting to have sex - are you ready? are you considering it due to some pressure or fear (e.g. losing him)?

Sometimes people are ready, but still fear pain of first time penetrative sex. The response here will refer to vaginal penetration and the response to the next question will refer to anal penetration.

Not everyone experiences first-time vaginal penetration as painful, however, there is no smoke without fire and so clearly some do. Some reasons for this may be as follows:
1. A fear of pain may cause people to tense up - the whole body but in particular the pelvic floor muscles which surround the urethra, the vagina and the anus. This may be due to the expectation that it will be sore (due to 'folklore' handed down!), or due to the perceived difference in size between the vagina and the erect penis. Given that the vagina is meant to allow the passage of a baby during childbirth, it CAN accomodate the size of any erect penis...you do, however, need to help this process by relaxing and ensuring lubrication. This brings me to my 2nd point...
2. Given the nerves it is likely you won't be focusing on the pleasurable sensations and your feelings for your boyfriend, and this may have a negative impact on your arousal. During arousal women become lubricated (wet) and this helps the penis to slip into the vagina, rather than sticking and causing discomfort, which can then cause tensing up. A practical solution to this is to take time to relax and to enjoy sensual/sexual activities other than penetration as this will encourage arousal and natural lubrication. It may be necessarily to add lubricant - either bought from a shop or pharmacy, or even spit.
MAKE SURE YOU ARE USING CONTRACEPTION - fear of falling pregnant may also result in tensing or difficulty becoming aroused.
3. First time penetration is likely to feel unusual and may take some getting used to - make sure your boyfriend will take the time you need to get used to the feeling and won't move faster than you are ready for.
4. Less commonly pain can be due to a physical problem, so if you experience this it may be worth having a health professional do a physical examination...

As it is your first time don't expect a wonderously pleasurable experience (if it is, it's a bonus). Give yourself to learn about this part of your body and what you like/don't like. Talking to your boyfriend about what you like/don't like will be an important part of this learning.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: md | 2008/09/03

do you realy think your man was true to you if you didnt give him any?for one i will not be and i know a lot of people like that.this is a new era people sleep together before they tie the knot!!!!!!!!!

Reply to md
Posted by: AB | 2008/09/03

Hi,

I kinda know how you feel. I`m getting married soon and that`ll be my fist time, having sex. I don`t want to judge you, but please think about the above advice. I could`ve had sex earlier, but I chose not to and now that I`m getting married to the right person, I`m soooo glad that it`s gonna be my first time with this great guy. Remember, there will be only one fist time, make sure it`s for the right reasons and with the right person.

For me, I`m not worried about the pain part, I kinda think about it differently. I reckon if you really love this guy, then a little pain won`t be the worst. I know that after I get married I will be able to have as much sex as I want, without feeling guilty. So a bit of pain, compare to all that is fine by me.

I hope you make a decision that`s right for you. Good luck

Reply to AB
Posted by: JK | 2008/09/03

Yes it hurts so there' s no need to rush this either.

Reply to JK
Posted by: Sg | 2008/09/03

Besides the points above don' t forget the use of a condom as you want to ensure protection against possible diseases and of course pregnancy.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: ? | 2008/09/03

I' m hoping that you are old enough for this. Don' t be stupid about it. Only do this if YOU are ready for it and REALLY want to do this. He must be the right guy for you, and he must be someone who respects you and treats you with all the love in the world!

Once you' ve decided that he is the right guy for your first time, then just do whatever comes naturally. Nobody is ever good the 1st time, so don' t try to be this amazing lover! Just do what feels good and go with it. Start with the missionary position (boy on top of girl). And take it from there.
Try and make the atmosphere romantic...you don' t want to feel cheap afterwards.

As for the pain...not really. If he is gentle with you, then it should not be painful. Just take it slow and easy...that' s my best suggestion.

But make sure he is the right person and that you are ready!

Reply to ?
Posted by: OZA | 2008/09/03

YES ABSTAIN TILL YOU ARE MARRIED

Reply to OZA

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