Posted by: Jane | 2009-03-15

Sex &  Teenagers

My daughter and I have always been very close because of living in a secluded part of the country most of her life, and workaholic father.
Looking at this lovely young woman today, I am sure that I have brought up a well balanced child. She has always been honest with me, we discuss just about everything that goes on in her life, and yes, sex. Up until yesterday morning she assured me that she has never had sex.
She was advised to go for her fist ' lady'  check up, and she insisted I go with her. Along with the appointment comes questions. She has had sex once before.
Why the hell am I so upset? Is it because she never told me about it when a condom fell out of her bag while I was tidying her bedroom, or is it because I have to realise that my 19 year old daughter is not my precious little girl anymore?

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Our expert says:
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Only you know the true answer to that question, Jane. FInding that one has been deceived by a loved one ( even if for highly understanable reasons ) -- especially as you seem to have tried hard to have an open and trusting relationship with her --- but you know, I'd guess, from your personal experience, that even with a great mom, your sexual experiences are not something you're eager to talk about.
And the second alternative is likely, too --- sex is one of the demarcating signs of the child having become a woman, and moving beyond the control of your love.
Handling this situation well may make a major diference in ensuring that you can develop your relationship into a good friendship between a mature and a maturing woman.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jane | 2009-03-26

Thanks everyone for your input. Nothing has changed between the two of us, I have become more aware of the fact that she isn' t a child anymore. I just have to remind myself of that every now and then!

Reply to Jane
Posted by: Bill | 2009-03-16

Don' t let this get between the two of you! You called her a lovely young woman, she is not a child anymore. You will always be her mother, but maybe now it is time to remain her friend and confidant and keep the openness and trust that the two of you share.

Reply to Bill
Posted by: You knowit | 2009-03-15

There now, you know it. Its always a dissapointment for sure, but these are the times we are living in. Don' t expect her to confide everything to you. The youngsters today do not value their moral standing in the same way many did in the past. Its a reflection of how people are today, its a very Me Me Me Me world, far too liberal, ill disciplined, bad mannered, pushy, I' m entitled world. Not that I infer that your daughter is one, its just that the world is now in this phase. I think the kids in the USA and especially the UK are THE worst. Horrible creatures !!! I expereinced some 13 to 14 year olds on the Tube from Heathrow, dreadful.

Reply to You knowit

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