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Question
Posted by: Lee | 2010/06/14

Sex Aids

Hi just a question in general.

I am highly sexed up, although I have never stimilated myself, in a way i do not know how and also I don''t really like the idea.

When me and my husband do have sex or should I say try he will last maybe a minute or sometimes I can just touch him and he will come.

What can I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Lee
Men have to learn to control ejaculation if they are to attempt to 'pleasure' their partner through penetrative intercourse, as the male response is normally much quicker than is the case for females. The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where he learns to identify his physical signs (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in his testicles, heart rate) that he needs to ease off before ejaculation is inevitable (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring his arousal on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. He must aim to practice his slowing techniques when he reaches about 6/10. Slowing techniques could be slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing his pelvic floor muscles as if he's trying to stop the flow of urine. Once his arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 4/10), he can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

As his wife you could be a great help by coaching him through this, asking where he is on the scale, encourage him to use the strategies suggested. Let him masturbate / stimulate himself to begin with, but after he has some success, perhaps you could stimulate him and you must slow down as and when he says to do so. When he's gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult for him because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so he should maybe slow his arousal down earlier than 6/10 to begin with. The best position for him to learn this would be with you on top so that he can focus all of his attention on his sensations and you move as he directs.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise he will feel more pressure to perform and you will be frustrated - neither of these will help his learning.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Dave | 2010/06/15

maybe you are too sexy for him, what do you look like Lee?

Reply to Dave
Posted by: Gee | 2010/06/15

At LADY - I love you too

Reply to Gee
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/06/15

Dear Lee
Men have to learn to control ejaculation if they are to attempt to 'pleasure' their partner through penetrative intercourse, as the male response is normally much quicker than is the case for females. The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where he learns to identify his physical signs (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in his testicles, heart rate) that he needs to ease off before ejaculation is inevitable (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring his arousal on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. He must aim to practice his slowing techniques when he reaches about 6/10. Slowing techniques could be slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing his pelvic floor muscles as if he's trying to stop the flow of urine. Once his arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 4/10), he can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

As his wife you could be a great help by coaching him through this, asking where he is on the scale, encourage him to use the strategies suggested. Let him masturbate / stimulate himself to begin with, but after he has some success, perhaps you could stimulate him and you must slow down as and when he says to do so. When he's gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult for him because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so he should maybe slow his arousal down earlier than 6/10 to begin with. The best position for him to learn this would be with you on top so that he can focus all of his attention on his sensations and you move as he directs.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise he will feel more pressure to perform and you will be frustrated - neither of these will help his learning.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: XXX | 2010/06/14

Sounds like your hubby is way too keen ..... he needs to relax with your help ie practice makes perfect.
He can go to a dr to help with this or he can try STUD 100 spray which he can get at most adult shops.This he sprays onto his penis thereby " deadening"  it somewhat.He should then last much longer.
It is no good only having one minute sex - hopefully he gives you lots of oral sex to help you get satisfied.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Lady | 2010/06/14

My gosh Gee you are soo insensitive - get off this forum!!

Lee I can sense that you are frustrated but also that you love your husband you are maybe afraid of discussing this with him. however that is the first step in dealing with this situation. There are plenty ways in which to solve the prob but you need to be honest with him first.

Good Luck :)

Reply to Lady
Posted by: Gee | 2010/06/14

OMG, he is useless, find yourself a sex partner, he is your husband nogal, why did you marry him? Surely he has always been a chicken....

Reply to Gee
Posted by: Horny Guy | 2010/06/14

Hey Lee, sorry to hear about your situation. Did you speak to him about the problem?

Reply to Horny Guy

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