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Question
Posted by: confused | 2012-07-19

Sex after infidelity

My husband cheated on me and while i was absolutely furious and i tell him that i hate him and he is ugly etc etc. we are still trying to work it out... He says he is sincerely sorry and he has tried to change and address issues in our relationship for us to connect better... we have tried to do so on a sexual level also...The sex is mind blowing!!!!!!!!!!! howcome? i have never ever felt the way he makes me feel. in fact i feel more comfortable to tell him what i want and need etc... is this normal is there trouble ahead. previously once every couple days wasok but an effort and now we cant stop - we are up all night!!! and the desire is so intense for us both.

is this normal?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously what he did was foolish and selfish, and your response has been natural but not exactly helpful to you. I hope you will seriously consider mariage counselling together, as sometimes the issues are more complex than one can efficiently solve on one's own. Maybe the sex is better because you feel a bit more assertive and deserving of attention to your own needs, and he is trying harder to be attentive. "Normal" is usually not a useful word, and is value-laden - but what you describe is credible and probably not rare

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Y | 2012-07-19

I am 23 and I agree with both of them, its guilty sex but wait 6 months.

It will be " no sex at all" 

Reply to Y
Posted by: mary | 2012-07-19

It was like that after I found out about my husbands affair as well. It felt like I had to prove to him and myself that I was also capable of receiving and giving good sex and that I was better than the woman he messed around with. Unfortunately like Luellen said the hurt resurfaced and wasnt addressed properly and the sex went back to being routine. Sorry that might not have been what you wanted to hear.

Reply to mary
Posted by: Luellen | 2012-07-19

Its like that in the beginning. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Then it goes " back to normal" and then it goes away.... completely

Reply to Luellen
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-07-19

Obviously what he did was foolish and selfish, and your response has been natural but not exactly helpful to you. I hope you will seriously consider mariage counselling together, as sometimes the issues are more complex than one can efficiently solve on one's own. Maybe the sex is better because you feel a bit more assertive and deserving of attention to your own needs, and he is trying harder to be attentive. "Normal" is usually not a useful word, and is value-laden - but what you describe is credible and probably not rare

Reply to cybershrink

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