Posted by: Want2Want | 2011-11-16

Sex after baby

Hubby and I were blessed with our first child just over 5 months ago. Things were tough in the beginning. There were some minor issues that seemed bigger at the time (her colic made for a stressful time and almost zero sleep). Anyway, I had a c-section and I waited 6 weeks for my check up before hubby and I did anything. You can imagine the sexual tension building up inside of us both! OK, so maybe I was more tense than least I helped him out in more ways than one even though I couldn''t have full on sex.
The first couple of times were good but it was tough with my body still being big and it was difficult for me on top etc. He was also over cautious with me for fear of hurting me (which he didn''t because I have one heck of a threshold for pain).
Now, 5 months down the line and I feel really disconnected from him in that department. I am on the pill but apparently pills today should not affect your libido.
So, what could the reason be for my lack of desire? Personally, I have put it down to stress (baby and my relationship with hubby has been up and down) PLUS I am always tired and feeling really depressed. I had a serious bout of post natal depression and hubby was so NOT there for me. Is this what made me go cold towards him? Can such emotional experiences have such a dramatic effect on your sexual desire or are my hormones perhaps still not back to normal?
I sometimes wonder how it''s possible that I can want ANOTHER baby (I know, I am crazy but I do want another one) YET I don''t feel that same passionate desire for my husband. I just want to want him again.
I appreciate responses from anyone who has been through this or can offer any serious insight.
Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Want to waNT
YOU HAVE JUST described WHAT the classical findings are in most women and men in the postpartum period. So... you have written the text book ,but you have pleasure of knowing that you will recover with good results. there are many factors that are sitting in your pot and these include being post delivery, using the Pill,"fagged out" with chores ,hormones , post natal depression etc . WHAT you need is relationship building as this was the one factor which most couples survived on in this crucial period. Other studies have found that return to sex is almost complete by one year but some factors will drive wedges which you need to overcome.
with that ,i must stress that you develop a solid flexible self , which will build your self esteem and body image ,, connect with your husband and ask for help so that you are not the tired bag in the eveningbecome grounded in your responsibility

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Want2Want | 2011-11-17

You guys both make valid points. As I was cleaning the house this morning, I remembered something that might also be affecting me. Hubby has a thing for me telling him about experiences I had before I met him. He likes to hear about all the naughty things I got up to (and yes, they were pretty naughty!).
It was cool in the beginning but now it''s like he wants it ALL the time. He asks questions about positions and all that stuff while we are having sex and it puts me off. Like, I''ll be on top of him and I''ll answer 5 questions and by the 6th one he has put me so off that I can''t even climax. That''s when I just give up and tell him I''m tired and ask him if we can change position. Then LATER he asks if I''m close but I''m SO NOT close. I don''t fake it...never have and never will. I just tell him not to worry about me. In my mind I''m thinking: ''you selfish pig...just cum and get it over with so that I can go to sleep."  So, what started out as pleasure for me turned into a chore in a matter of 30mins! I have tried talking to him about it but he just doesn''t get it. Then he wonders why sex is so mechanical from my side. Well, I am not actually enjoying it...I''m just giving it up so that at least one of us is satisfied. :-(

Reply to Want2Want
Posted by: Stanley | 2011-11-17

Hi there, congratulations on the birth of your baby. We also had a colic baby and it was a very stressful time. Sex was the last thing on our minds yet both of us had very high sex drives before the baby. These things take time and committment from both parties. You have to try different things, like giving each other full body massages without expecting to have sex after, kissing each other slowly, you can make love without having sex. These days everything is rushed and everything seems to be about SEX!
Today our sex drives are back to normal, we make love often, and desire each other even more than before. Also a good thing that help both of us is exercise, it''s not just there to lose weight but it actually does wonders for your sex drive. The important thing here is to connect with each other again and not just through sex. Good luck and I hope everything will work out for you guys.

Reply to Stanley
Posted by: Nonni | 2011-11-17

You have had a baby, that is huge, your body has taken one heck of a beating. If you have had treatment for the depression and are taking care of yourself, your sex drive will return. Do not be so hard on yourself. Just relax and enjoy what intimacy you do have.

It takes some women years before their sex drives return to normal. This is not out of the ordinary at all

Reply to Nonni

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