Posted by: Linda | 2012-12-04

Sex addiction?

Where do you draw a line between sex addiction and having a high sex drive. My boyfriend is 53 and i am 42, we have been together for 4yrs and he still wants sex every night and insists on watching porn. Is this normal? If i dont want to have sex he gets upset and starts looking for a argument.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Linda,
Your posting is questioning whether your boyfriend has a type of pathology which can be classified as an addiction problem or whether, he is merely behaving badly. It is widely thought that people are less responsible for their actions if they have a medically classified problem such as sex addiction. This should not be the case, as while those with a sexual addiction may require extra-help, taking responsibility for ones actions lies at the heart of the treatment.

So what is sex addiction?

Sex addiction is defined as “a persistent and escalating pattern of sexual behaviors acted out despite increasingly negative consequences to self or others.”

This means that if your boyfriend's behavior is increasingly orientated towards gratifying his sexual needs to the exclusion of considerations to his relationships, work or domestic responsibilities or his other pursuits, and that in the process he is taking increasing risks and being disregarding of others, then he may very well have a sexual addiction. Those with sexual addictions often have to deal with shame and feel out of control when they give into their compulsive behaviors.

What would be important for you to feel is whether his sexual gratification is more important to him than the relationship between the two of you. It could be that he has a high libido, and that your libido’s are mismatched, a common problem in relationships.

I wouldn’t be too quick to label a behavior unless there is good evidence to back it. Rather concentrate on reintegrating sex back into the context of intimacy, and the relationship between the two of you.

SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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