Our expert says:
Nobody should be coerced or pushed into having sex, especially not with someone who insults and degrades them, or is aggressive about it. If he really believed all the horrible things he says, one would rather wonder why he would wan to have sex with you.
As for insulting you by comparing you to your biomom, I suspect he does that specifically because he knows it is terribly hurtful to you, not because he believes at all that it is true. In fights, people who know each other use as weapons the words they know will hurt most.
Is there any way you might talk him into joining you in marriage counselling, emphasizing that it would be for the benefit of both of you ?
One may need to make i clear that verbal or physical abuse is a deal-breaker, and destroys any wish to have sex with the person. And to reconsider whether it is wise to remain in such an abusive relationship.
If he is an alcoholic, this must be seriously treated, though, or nothing else will improve
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