advertisement
Question
Posted by: eleen | 2009/11/19

sex

Hi,
i am worried that i might have a problem with sex.. im only 18 and am really happy with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years.

at the begginning of our relationship, sexual stuff was really exciting (probably partly because neither of us had done anything before). I remember my body feeling hot and tingly just at his touch of my breast. But now, i dont seem to get the same excitment. I have no problem ' coming'  but it doesnt last very long and then when i have, i dont like him carrying on touching me or if we' re having sex, then it feels too long and i want him to finish. I feel like we are both thinking about it too much rather than enjoying it physically. the climax doesnt seem as good as everyone says it is and i never instinctivly want ' sex'  but i do have urges jst to be ' with'  him. one of my friends has a really good sex life and her and her boyf have both fun and passionate sex. she craves sex and they both love it.

I worry that i am not a sexual person and while this can comfort me with a reason for my lack of sex drive, it upsets me that i cant be sexually excited by my boyfriend. and i also feel it would bring something extra special to our relationship.
there is also a problem orally- while the first time he did it to me just his touch made me feel great bt now i just feel awkward and self conscious. This was a problem with him too but we talked about it and it has got better. I dont feel he could say anything to make me feel different tho so i dont really know how to improve this. when we have talked about this kind of stuff i think it just makes him feel inadequate.. i think we have become lazy and i am no longer excited by the unsureitys and unfamiliararity of the beggining of a relationship. however, i feel much happier with our connection mentally and emotionally than i did at the beggining. and i do love him and always feel affectionate towards him. i feel as though someone will tell me i only feel this way because something is wrong with our relationship and i really dont want people to think this.

please help!

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

There are a few issues that need to be addressed here. Firstly, everyone’s interest in sex is different, so don’t think you are ‘not sexual’ or compare with other people. Secondly, it is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'. Thirdly, it takes time and effort to work on a sexual relationship and you are relatively young, so it is still a sensitive subject; awkward and self-conscious. Naturally you don’t want to hurt or make the guy feel ‘inadequate’, but he will feel more adequate with some clear guidance. Tell him how secure you feel in your relationship then get in touch with what sensations are pleasurable and learn to communicate clearly. Sex is a bit like food, sometimes it is really great and other times not so great but the closeness is good. Do fun things together and just enjoy one another’s company. Expert opinions are provided by the SA Sexual Health Association: www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Lady man | 2009/11/20

Hi

I think overall that parents are partly to blame for this issue. Parents should talk to there children about sex from an early age, the does and dont' s. I think people did not received the correct information. Parents should not feel ashamed to talk. Children are clever they will understand. Parents should answer questions from there children as straight as they can and not in circles. But at the end it is up to the individual how they will react to the information

Reply to Lady man
Posted by: rTop Cat | 2009/11/20

Try to do diverint thing sex wise, Positions and places. Get the more adventiores and risky. Mybe you are just bord with the missionery position.

Reply to rTop Cat
Posted by: Rick | 2009/11/20

I look at it from 2 aspects, with my ex wife and now with my fiance.

My ex wife was young beautiful but inexperienced in the emotional side of sex, it became overwhelming for her, and we tried everything to get it right, councelling..you name it. But her mind set was wrong, and she ended up hating sex, therefore our intimacy dissapeared which lead to many other issues culminating in divorce. Her hating herself was part of the issue.

My fiance on the other hand is mature and emotionally capable of enjoying a healthy sex life. Sex fits into a relationship that is emotionally stable, where you are comfortable with each other and connect at various levels. The ' first time'  sex you experience with a new partner is exhillirating and exiting and new...however as the relationship develops and the initial flaming fire burns down....hot smouldering coals remain which create a different sexual experience, but no less enjoyable.

If you and your partner are connected in ways other than only physical, your physical relationship can grow and mature with you, as will every other aspect of your life together.

You cant seperate sex and emotion and expect a relationship to grow and mature.

My opinion and experience. Good luck and enjoy the process of discovery.

Regards
Rick

Reply to Rick
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009/11/19

There are a few issues that need to be addressed here. Firstly, everyone’s interest in sex is different, so don’t think you are ‘not sexual’ or compare with other people. Secondly, it is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'. Thirdly, it takes time and effort to work on a sexual relationship and you are relatively young, so it is still a sensitive subject; awkward and self-conscious. Naturally you don’t want to hurt or make the guy feel ‘inadequate’, but he will feel more adequate with some clear guidance. Tell him how secure you feel in your relationship then get in touch with what sensations are pleasurable and learn to communicate clearly. Sex is a bit like food, sometimes it is really great and other times not so great but the closeness is good. Do fun things together and just enjoy one another’s company. Expert opinions are provided by the SA Sexual Health Association: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to Sexologist

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement