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Question
Posted by: silly boy | 2008/05/29

sex?

well i have been living with my gorl friend for about a year now and things are great and i love her we getting married in march next year. the thing that getting me down is that she never wants have sex, now when i say never i mean never. when we do i know she is only doing it to make me happy.

now im not mad coz we not having sex, its just one day at a braai she was talking with her friends and they were saying where they have had sex and when and how old. well my gf has done some crazy stuff in her life, like sex in a church,club,woods,beach,cars,parks just about every where. now once again this does not make me mad/sad seeing as most of us have done these things.

what get me down is that *why is our sex life so bad*
i start thinking things like is she cheating (dont think so) or does she not love me any more or im i doing some thing wrong.


any ways i talk to her about it last night and all she did was smile and told me that i was being silly and that she loves me and that a hug should be good enough for me ans sex once a months good.

when i told her that it is really getting me down, she got mad and started shouting and say that i was going to cheat on her and leave her for a other women.

well i dont know what im saying or if you guys are going to get any of this, but im going crazy and dont really want to talk to any 1 i know about this so i thought to just rant and rave here.

any ways i feel better already.

thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like some of her previous busy sexual experiences may have been bothersome to her ; or that something like Depression, etc., may have intervened and cause a loss of libido ( interest in sex ).
Whatver, surely the pair of you ought to see a relationship / couples counsellor ( eg through FAMSA ) before planing marriage, to be sure these issues can get ironed out ?
Good advice from the other readers, too !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: bp | 2008/05/30

i am on a shyt load of meds, all supposed 2 affect libido, have 3 kids, yada, yada. i still njoy sex n WANT it. the mind boggles

Reply to bp
Posted by: sideways | 2008/05/30

Dude,

You need to convince her to go to couples therapy with you before you guys get married. It's understandable that she may need sex less than you but that doesn't mean that you need to sacrifice your needs completely. You obviously have a problem in that you need and want more sex, which is totally fair and fine. If you guys don't find a happy medium then one of you, you in this case, will be left unhappy and frustrated and eventually it will all come to ahead and have potetially disasterous consequences.

Perhaps see a sex therapist together? You basically need to talk to her calmly again, express your love for her but also explain that you have needs that are not being met and they are important to you. Make it clear that there is no blaming or judgement taking place but that you are simply being honest and that you suggest that both of you go see a professional in order to resolve this issue. In order to find a solutyion that will satisfy you both.

Do it dude, do it before you get married, seriously, it's important.

Reply to sideways
Posted by: Vegan | 2008/05/29

I love my boyfriend, but I don't need to have sex often. Women naturally want sex less than men (at least, that is often the case).

Plus, if your girlfriend is on any medication, like anti-depressants, her libido will be negatively affected. Is she on anything?

Reply to Vegan
Posted by: ann | 2008/05/29

Do you really believe her, about having sex all over the place? Maybe she was just saying that because she didnt want to feel "out". There is definately something wrong. Ask her to go to couples councelling before you get married. If there is a problem now, dont think its going to go away after you are married, it will just get worse. Get things out in the open now.

Reply to ann

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