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Question
Posted by: Debbie | 2012-03-12

settle down

I am 40 years old with no kids. I just have never met the right guy or had the opportunity to raise a family. I have been seeing this guy for 2 months who has a 4 year old daughter. Over the weekend I went alone to a family place and realise that is what I want - a family, stability, maybe not to get married but definately a life partner. I have come to realise I may not have kids of my own but would therefore like to be with someone who has children and then I can experience a child from that aspect. Although my bf and my relationship is fairly new, should I tell him how I feel? I want him to understand where I am and what I want. I have not met his daughter yet but would like to. If I articulate my feelings as I have here, would it make me sound desperate and make him run?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm not sure what you see as the significant differences between having a Life Partner ( especially in a stable relationship with a family ) and marriage.
It'd be fair to discuss your feelings with your bf, maybe not as a stark declaration, but more in a discussion of what you'd like to manage to achieve in life, and what he wants for himself and his child. Yes, don't sound desperate ( desperation almost always scares off even good people ) ; don't be in too much of a hurry - you haven't even met the child yet. Take your time and see how this develops

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012-03-12

To have this dicussion after only 2 months would come across as desperate and would make a man run..very fast!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-12

I'm not sure what you see as the significant differences between having a Life Partner ( especially in a stable relationship with a family ) and marriage.
It'd be fair to discuss your feelings with your bf, maybe not as a stark declaration, but more in a discussion of what you'd like to manage to achieve in life, and what he wants for himself and his child. Yes, don't sound desperate ( desperation almost always scares off even good people ) ; don't be in too much of a hurry - you haven't even met the child yet. Take your time and see how this develops

Reply to cybershrink

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