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Question
Posted by: Muchi | 2011/03/22

Seriously depressed

Dear Doc
I am stuck in a love and sexless marraige. I met someone 16 months ago and fell head over heels in love. We had an affair for 2 months, and then he stopped it and said it''s not right, he just wants to be friends, but special friends. Of course I know its not right, but I craved so much for attention, and for the first time ever I had real sex (he is but the second man I ever slept with). I was so over the moon to get all I craved - companionship and a physical relationship and was for that period so happy and adored him. When he told me its friends only from now, I was shattered, I felt like I lost everything again, but instead of moving on, I carried on seeing him and tried and tried and tried to get him to change his mind. I really loved this guy.. All to no avail, and by now I am very seriously depressed. I am not young any more, I don''t have money to start a life on my own, and I still cannot leave the guy alone. He keeps on dropping hints that maybe, one day, we will be together. Today I was so depressed, I stayed in bed the whole day, while there are very urgent matters I need to attend to, I just can''t carry on any more! I am not allowed to take any medication as I have a liver problem. It sounds pathetic but at this stage I can only see suicide as a way out of this pain of constant mental and physical rejection that has become my life. Is there anything else I can try besides medication? And how should I handle this other guy? He wants us to visit together at least twice a week, then lay on the bed in his arm, but no other touching or kissing, and sms constantly throughout the day. You know, to lay in his arms and knew what I had and not be able to touch him or have him kiss me or see a future for us just kills me... I told him its like torture to me and he said its the right thing to do and I must grow up. Please doc...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you are indeed in a loveless and sexless marriage, and your husband is not open to working with marriage counsellors to solve these problems, then see a lawyer and end the marriage, before you start geting involved in adulterous relationships with guys while vulnerable to a risky degree.
And in any relationship, never mistake the wooing phase when both of you are trying hard to delight the other, with whatever is likely to be the long-term nature of the relationship.
See a counsellor to work on finding the best solutions to your dilemmas ; and see a good psychiatrist, maybe from a nearby medical schhol, to check whether there are helpful medications it would be safe for you to take.
And CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is a psychological treatment which good research has found often as effective as medication.
This other guy needs to be discussed with your counsellor, as his behaviour sounds contradictory and unhelpful

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/23

If you are indeed in a loveless and sexless marriage, and your husband is not open to working with marriage counsellors to solve these problems, then see a lawyer and end the marriage, before you start geting involved in adulterous relationships with guys while vulnerable to a risky degree.
And in any relationship, never mistake the wooing phase when both of you are trying hard to delight the other, with whatever is likely to be the long-term nature of the relationship.
See a counsellor to work on finding the best solutions to your dilemmas ; and see a good psychiatrist, maybe from a nearby medical schhol, to check whether there are helpful medications it would be safe for you to take.
And CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is a psychological treatment which good research has found often as effective as medication.
This other guy needs to be discussed with your counsellor, as his behaviour sounds contradictory and unhelpful

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/03/22

He is right u should grow up....but then so should he.
Do not try 2 kill yourself but just stop cheating, your husband does not deserve this.
This man will not marry u as he only wants 2 be friends, he has had his fun/sex and will soon move on.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Maria | 2011/03/22

Oh please. You are cheating on your husband just as much if you lie in the guy''s arms and sms him the whole day than if you have sex with him. Cut all ties with him and try to patch up your marriage, or do the decent thing and get divorced. Go and see a counsellor to sort out your muddled thinking, and polish up your cv because you''re going to need a job. I will be surprised if this guy actually " looks after you"  if you do leave your husband.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Linger | 2011/03/22

CS, is this a mental health issue?

I mean can we get Muchi locked up in a nut farm for her situation?

Or is this just life that Muchi cannot handle?

Reply to Linger

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