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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/02/27

Seriously???

A close friend and I had a falling out more than a week ago. He sends me a message on Fbook (not sms or email) asking me if I want to be friends again?? I accepted, but now he is back to ignoring me again. He feels I need to be ''punished'' and when he is ready to accept me into his circle of friends, he will let me know. Who the hell does he actually think he is? Do I just leave him to go through whatever is bugging him or do I tell him to go to hell in a nice manner? Must I rather ignore him for a while until he decides to grow up? I despise being treated like a child and put in a naughty corner so to speak. He said to me he will speak to me when he wants to, not when I want to! Seriously! I really like him a lot and we got on very well until a week ago. I don''t know what''s bugging him and I don''t want to nag him either, but I don''t think I deserve this treatment. I had an opinion about something and he misunderstood what I said. I do not have time for this and won''t allow him to treat me this way! Should I just leave him or quit this friendship?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I really don't see why people who have genuinely significant things to say to friends, choose to do so via tawdry methods like Facebook, rather than pleasantly and directly.
As I don't Facebook, the situation you describe wouldn't happen to me, but if it did, I would simply ignore the person for the next decade or so.
Who knows what's bugging him, but if he's an adult, he should calmly tell you and sort it out like grown-ups do. So I'm with Maria. Maybe send one more message saying you don't understand what has upset him so much, but won't bother him again, and if he wants later on to contact you, it should be in person and not electronically.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Understood | 2012/02/29

Hi there

I can totally understand how you feel. I had a relationship with someone that was hot and cold (way before the days of facebook though) and it was always on his terms.... we''d fight and then not speak for a couple of years and then we were friends again as though nothing happened. Your man knows he has you right where he wants you - clinging to the hope that you will be " the one"  but he will never change and he will not be the one to do the giving.. the relationship will always be on his terms with him sending you on one rollercoaster after the next. It becomes a vicious cycle that you start to depend on and unless you cut all ties you will never leave that cycle and open yourself up to a possibility of a mutually loving and respectful relationship. I can only say that you should message him - tell him that you are not prepared to be treated disrespectfully and that you value yourself too much to allow that kind of treatment and if he cannot respect you then he must leave you alone. Delete him off facebook and all your correspondence and start to move one... spoken from experience doll.

Reply to Understood
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/02/27

Concentrate on gettng matric rather than fighting with classmates.

When you grow up you will realize mature adults have real face to face friendships and do not bother with social media sites. Only people over 19 with low IQs who are loosers bother with FB.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: dw | 2012/02/27

Delete him on Facebook and tell him that when he is ready, he can pick up the phone and call you!!

Reply to dw
Posted by: Anon | 2012/02/27

Thanks for your input Maria. The relationship is important to me, but so is my self esteem! I am not going to be treated like this by anyone!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Maria | 2012/02/27

Well it''s hard to answer that question on your behalf since only you can decide how important this relationship is to you. He certainly sounds rude and immature. If someone treated me that way I would ignore him and carry on with my life. I might consider renewing contact if he came an apologised to me in person, not electronically. Facebook, email and sms''s seem to stunt our social development.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/27

I really don't see why people who have genuinely significant things to say to friends, choose to do so via tawdry methods like Facebook, rather than pleasantly and directly.
As I don't Facebook, the situation you describe wouldn't happen to me, but if it did, I would simply ignore the person for the next decade or so.
Who knows what's bugging him, but if he's an adult, he should calmly tell you and sort it out like grown-ups do. So I'm with Maria. Maybe send one more message saying you don't understand what has upset him so much, but won't bother him again, and if he wants later on to contact you, it should be in person and not electronically.

Reply to cybershrink

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