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Question
Posted by: m | 2010/03/25

Seperation

CS. Why is it so hard to move on with your life after a seperation. I know I couldnt stay, but why isnt it just easy to get on with the choice. The relationship was &  is abusive...I think...I find myself alternating between...yes it was the right decision &  what if it was wrong...maybe it wasnt as bad as I thought. It would be so much easier if the other person was just bad...but that is not so. I know that some of it was my fault....I beat myself up as to how much was my fault &  how much was undeserved &  how much of it could be avoided if I just did some things differently. Is there really a time when it is beyond repair or does it just get to the point where you dont want to try anymore? Does a person ever recover from it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If it was terribly easy to move on, that would suggest it wasn't much of a relaionship to start with ! From the sound of it, you made the right decision. Second-guessing yourself isn't helpful or realistic. So what if perhaps it wasn't entirely as bad as you felt at the time ? YOu will still be able, when you let go of this episode and stop walking forwards while exclusively looking back over your shoulder, to find relationships that are far better than this one.
So maybe some of the problem was indeed your fault - then learn from that, and don't make those unhelpful contributions to future relationships. Learn from mistakes, don't brood over them.
Yes, people do indeed routinel recover from suich breakups, if only they will allow themselves to do so. And often sooner than they expect.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2010/03/26

Yes you do, but it takes time and there are no short cuts. But it does leave a scar forever, and hopefully we grow and learn from our past. All the best

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/26

If it was terribly easy to move on, that would suggest it wasn't much of a relaionship to start with ! From the sound of it, you made the right decision. Second-guessing yourself isn't helpful or realistic. So what if perhaps it wasn't entirely as bad as you felt at the time ? YOu will still be able, when you let go of this episode and stop walking forwards while exclusively looking back over your shoulder, to find relationships that are far better than this one.
So maybe some of the problem was indeed your fault - then learn from that, and don't make those unhelpful contributions to future relationships. Learn from mistakes, don't brood over them.
Yes, people do indeed routinel recover from suich breakups, if only they will allow themselves to do so. And often sooner than they expect.

Reply to cybershrink

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