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Question
Posted by: M | 2010/03/13

Seperation

CS. Apologies for making you search for a post, should just have posted again.

I have moved out of my " husbands house"  into the flat adjoining the property, with the girls. A friend of mine has a saying: Wear a black dress on your wedding day, cause you will be dying. If a person gets married, and then have children, you can NEVER get away from the other person. I specifically moved into the flat on the same property so the kids could have free access to both parents. Making the childcare arrangement formal wont work in this case, not if I stay on the property. They dont want to sleep over at their fathers house, he is insistant. I dont want to force them, they are both fragile at the moment. He has free access to them, just not after 7:30 in the evening when they are in bed or before 6 in the morning. Is that not fair enough?

Also, the 7-year old is not herself. She is quiet &  misrable, very unlike her. I assume play therapy would help? The 4-year old is very emotional, cries about everything. Any suggestions?

You know, if I had a choice I would not have moved out. I didnt have a choice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

NO apology needed, though a repost is often quicker. Well, making the arangement formal might annoy him sufficiently to tempt him to refuse to go along with the arangement and obstruct it as far as he is able to do ; if he were cooperative, though, it could even be included in a formal agreement.
As he has such easy access to them, his insistence on their sleeping over at his place is power-play and ignores their expressed wishes.
I am sceptical about some of the claims made for "play therapy" and would ratehr that a troubled schild see a properly qualified child psychologist who has a number of different methods at his/her disposal, rather than only one. Its a favourite saying of mine about avoiding "therapists" with only one string on their guitar - if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, most things start to look like nails, and you hit them.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/15

NO apology needed, though a repost is often quicker. Well, making the arangement formal might annoy him sufficiently to tempt him to refuse to go along with the arangement and obstruct it as far as he is able to do ; if he were cooperative, though, it could even be included in a formal agreement.
As he has such easy access to them, his insistence on their sleeping over at his place is power-play and ignores their expressed wishes.
I am sceptical about some of the claims made for "play therapy" and would ratehr that a troubled schild see a properly qualified child psychologist who has a number of different methods at his/her disposal, rather than only one. Its a favourite saying of mine about avoiding "therapists" with only one string on their guitar - if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, most things start to look like nails, and you hit them.

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