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Question
Posted by: ash | 2010/03/01

Seperation

I''ve simply had enough of being in a rocky marriage. I would like to get more info on a legal seperation. The thing is that I am not financially sound enough to take on the sole responsibility of 3kids and their lives. Hubby earns well &  with my salary we have enough together to give my kids a good life. The thing is how often should I &  the kids be sacrificing what we want for him! We definetly have irreconcilable differences. 2yrs ago he had a string of " email"  buddies distributing porn and they where women. Then there where a few of hem that were TOO friendly. Been for counselling- thought it was settled. But this is not what our marriage shud be like. Yesterday he was a totally jerk. Made my big daughter cy becos she wanted to play cricket with him and rest of the family. He said no and then it was later u can play which never arrived and she cry inconsolably! i got upset asked him to let her play and he made a fuss like a 2yr olds tantrum! She''s 10 he''s 31???? Then I packed to leave his family and everyone started intervening. So he comes to the kitchen and punches the door in and tells me to -|- off! So we agreed previously that after the next fight we will call it quits. Been married 11yrs. Please advise me urgently that my options are

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, legal info I can't supply. Do see a lawyer your husband would surely have to pay maintenance towards the expenses of the kids. It doesn't sound as though the counselling worked - at least not so far. Punching in the door was a bad sign. If you could stay with your family or friends for a short while, would he still be interested in continuing counselling ? Or is it now agreed by both of you to be over ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2010/03/01

As your girl grows up, you need to show her that she needs to be able to look after herself. No woman should have to rely on any man for anything!

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Ash | 2010/03/01

Hey Liza. I am married in community of property. He has a pension I dont. We have joint investments and an RA for me. Also I pay the kids investments. Will check at the univ of PTA for the advice. Its the DAMN pain that I feel that gets on my nerves and weakens my resolve!!! Took alot of courage to take this step. U know he has not even apologized to his kids for his damn behaviour! Thanks for the advice

Reply to Ash
Posted by: Liza | 2010/03/01

It would be best if you see a lawyer about your options. It depends on so many different things that its'' almost impossible to give definitive advice. Are you married in-community-of-property, ANC without accrual or ANC with accrual? If you move out, you can get a court order for support payments for the children. Even before a divorce. Also remember that when you do get a divorce, you''re usually entitled to a certain portion of your ex-partners'' pension if they have one. If you have one too, the portion will be smaller, but since he is earning more, I''m quite sure that his will be more than yours and that he will have to pay you.

If you cannot afford to see a lawyer, go to your nearest university law clinic for advice. If you earn below a certain level, their advice is free. If you earn more than that level, they might charge you according to your income - which will still be MUCH less than paying a private lawyer.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: ash | 2010/03/01

we are not on speaking terms and he left this morning for a business trip for the next 4 days. Counselling has definetly not worked. All the promises have been broken. I have no one here to lvie with as I am from Natal. i will not go back home and be a burden to my parents. Also this petty arguing is really hurtin gme. I actually have suicidal thoughts now and again. Its like he does''nt care a single bit. he feels that he rakes in the big bucks so I shoud be happy. There is no communication and to be honest the imtimacy fizzled out a while ago. I just dont know what to do or where to turn. I was extremly embarrased by his behaviour yesterday and have no clue why he wud want to be selfish to his own child ket alone me!

Reply to ash
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/01

OK, legal info I can't supply. Do see a lawyer your husband would surely have to pay maintenance towards the expenses of the kids. It doesn't sound as though the counselling worked - at least not so far. Punching in the door was a bad sign. If you could stay with your family or friends for a short while, would he still be interested in continuing counselling ? Or is it now agreed by both of you to be over ?

Reply to cybershrink

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