Posted by: Damion | 2009-08-21


Hi there
My wife recently decided that we should be seperated. We started having major problems a few months back. My wife started to become very distant and didn' t want to spend much time with me anymore, she would fight over the smallest things. She seemed to become irritated with the sight of me. She went away with the kids for a weekend to her family and i wasn' t able to attend due to work commitments, i called her on the Saturday and we had a stupid argument over something i said we she was offended by. I never seem to be able to say things the way she wants it to be said. Even though i apologised and said i didn' t mean anything bad, she would not listen. I was angry and didn' t phone her on the Sunday. This only made things worse and when she returned home, she had a bath got dressed and went to her friends. She didn' t come home until the next day. When i voiced my opinion on the whole incident, things lost control and we went into a downward spiral. She told me to go and sleep in my sons room and we hardly spoke, and she made sure that she would be out of the house whenever i was home. Now we are here today at this point, where she has taken the kids and moved out. She only speaks to me if she has to or when she wants to find out if i' m picking up the kids.
I have support from my friends and family, but i m finding it very hard to deal with this, she says there' s nobody else in her life, but i just don t get how somebody could tell you they love you a couple of days before an argument and then totally change and act as if they hate you. It' s even worse when i don t know what i did. I' ve been a great father and husband, as best as i could, but she seems to not think of it that much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi Damion,

a separation always brings up many conflictual sides as to what got you there in the first place. The reality is that a separation/breakup is a process and has happened already quite sometime before the actual act. You do mention some major problems prior to this but you do say that you don't even know what you did. It doesn't have to be about something you did. Relationships are organic. They evolve and change and for some the change is separate. Some relationships need the chance to be worked on and others should be allowed to end. Either way, you may benefit from seeing a "Divorce coach" who will be able to guide you in this respect and help you make a conscious choice as to the outcome of your relationship.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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