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Question
Posted by: CONCERNED | 2010-09-15

SEPARATION ANXIETY

I am looking after my grandchild as her mother is in rehab. We took her to visit on the 2nd weekend and it was very traumatic when we had to leave. She is not asking for her mother but I am concerned as to how I must treat the child and also as to whether this separation could have long lasting scars.

Child is 5yrs old and has been rather difficult lately, which is understandabl. She does not want to go to creche so I''ve been keeping her at home. Mom is coming home for the weekend this week.

Please set my mind at ease.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The separation should not cause "lasting scars", especially if you are loving and caring towards the child, and if it has been properly and calmly explained to her that mom isn't well and is here for treatment, and will be coming home. Depending on how your daughter behaves towards the child when drunk or drugged, the child may be relieved not to have THAT version of mom around.
You don't mention why it was "traumatic" when you had to leave after this last visit - was the child acting awfully upset ? Or the mother ?
And at 5 the child is old enough to have a meaningful conversation with you - ask her how she feels about these events, and listen to her point of view,

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Our users say:
Posted by: CONCERNED | 2010-09-15

Thanks for the reply. Child was very upset when we left and quietly cried and just stared into space. I think maybe it was me who wss more upset at having to separate them. And it is not my daughter, it''s my son''s ex girlfriend. She loves her child very much, but we are not certain what all the child was exposed to whilst the mother was drugging. I''ve been to the welfare to ask them to put the child in my care but have had no repsonse yet. They say the mother must make the decision and the fact that she has gone to rehab is in her favour. But who knows what will happen, the mother does not have proper support from her family so we give it to her. I''m finding it very difficult to cope with this situation as so many lives are being turned upside down.

Reply to CONCERNED
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-15

The separation should not cause "lasting scars", especially if you are loving and caring towards the child, and if it has been properly and calmly explained to her that mom isn't well and is here for treatment, and will be coming home. Depending on how your daughter behaves towards the child when drunk or drugged, the child may be relieved not to have THAT version of mom around.
You don't mention why it was "traumatic" when you had to leave after this last visit - was the child acting awfully upset ? Or the mother ?
And at 5 the child is old enough to have a meaningful conversation with you - ask her how she feels about these events, and listen to her point of view,

Reply to cybershrink

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