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Question
Posted by: katey | 2011/12/07

selfish friend


Hi

I have this friend. They don’ t care who they hurt to get what they want including me family and partners.
This now friend has gone threw possibly one of the worse break ups ever there partner accused them of all sorts of things work got involved ect. So now im here to pick up the pieces which I do and be there constantly. So much it cost me time with my other friends family and money. But I did it happily that’ s what friends are for.

There are many things this person has done that I should just walk away but tears get me every time. And maybe I like to see the good in people that just isn’ t there.
People have warned me about this person since our friendship started a few years ago. I have such a soft spot for them tho.

Anyway my snapping point has been last night, when this person told me they were back with this ex which Im very against and so is there family and work so it’ s a secret ( secrets are kept when u know what u doing is wrong ) during the break up the ex had concert tickets we were suppose to go to. So instead of leaving my friend out I went and bought them 1. Last night I get told they going with the ex now so I must find someone else to go with. wtf??? I was good enough when the ex was not there but now they back its like cheers. I don’ t even care if they go back to the ex but it should be the principle of don’ t let a mate down.

But apparently according to this friend, I am acting messed up for expressing my feelings of hurt and disgust at this. This “ friend”  even tried to say I was fighting with them because I had a fight with my mother the week before. Is it just me or is this person very manipulating and selfish. They can never expect responsibility or even apologias its always shift the blame else where. And make me feel nuts for something I feel is normal.

Please advise am I nuts or is this friend a user.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If they hurt you consistently, why do you still consider them friends and allow them access to hurting you again ? And if they have got themselves into a mess, why on earth do you consider it YOUR duty to put things right for them ? That's NOT what friends are for - that's enabling, and encouraging people to become still more dysfunctional.
Of course this person is a user, and you are a usee - give them up, let them work on solving their own problems, get un-involved in their lives, and more involved in your own.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Honest | 2011/12/07

if you get used/abused once its their fault
lf you get used/abused twice its your fault.

you sound like you enjoy the drama,in which case you would find a normal friend boring...............

Reply to Honest
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/07

If they hurt you consistently, why do you still consider them friends and allow them access to hurting you again ? And if they have got themselves into a mess, why on earth do you consider it YOUR duty to put things right for them ? That's NOT what friends are for - that's enabling, and encouraging people to become still more dysfunctional.
Of course this person is a user, and you are a usee - give them up, let them work on solving their own problems, get un-involved in their lives, and more involved in your own.

Reply to cybershrink

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