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Question
Posted by: H | 2011/02/16

Selfish?

I suppose that is what most of the female readers will say.
I am in a relationship with a lady and we work in the same environment. Her daughter who studies close by rides with us on a daily basis. All of a sudden I have to do a short detour close to the work to pick up one of the daughter''s friends who studies with her. They just took it for granted that I will be ok with this, but I am not. Why should I go out of my direction to pick someone up who has nothing to do with me? Is this part of my responsibility in this relationship? I want to travel from home to work and back with no such interference in my time.
It is one thing to take the daughter somewhere when she visits friends and pick her up afterwards again, but why should I play taxy for her friends as well?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It seems reasonable to help your lady friend's daughter get to school. It's not reasonable to assume that you will automatically do the same for the girl's friends, though maybe they thought that as it only involves a short detour, it wouldnt bother you. Nonetheless, they should have asked you. Sounds like there's been some poor communication her ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2011/02/17

How about telling them that you will continue doing this favor for her but that you would prefer that this girl use her own two feet to get her closer and where it won''t be a detour for you. That way you''re still in the good books for doing the favor, but it''s much less hassle(or petrol) for you.

BTW My son gets a lift from a friend to school. The friend however does not come and pick him up from home. My son has to walk/cycle to his friends'' house to get that lift...

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Soul | 2011/02/17

It sounds as though you have more issues in your relationship than just this and it''s affecting how you feel about doing this.

I do agreee with you however, they just assumed without discussing this with you which is wrong. You need to discuss this with them and inform them you not going to taxi any friends around for them. The friend has parents and they need to see to her traveling needs.

You need to discuss this with them and soon, if you don''t eventually everthing is going to become an issue for you and it''s going to have a negative affect on your relationship with them. Clearly is already has this affect on your relationship.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Daisy | 2011/02/16

Drive me without them today. Do not explain yourself tonite. Leave in the morning without them.

Reply to Daisy
Posted by: Karma | 2011/02/16

Do unto others as ..................

Reply to Karma
Posted by: MOM2 | 2011/02/16

Exactly it is your life, your car, and being incovienced on your way to work is not on. Stand up to them and say NO

Reply to MOM2
Posted by: Ruby | 2011/02/16

Dump these free loaders, nothing in life is for free.

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: Claire | 2011/02/16

I am with Foreal, invite your mother to stay without consulting anyone and charge all passengers in your car for lifts. This should sort out this selfish behaviour of your partner and daughter. You are reasonable in wanting to do your own thing in life, she is not your wife and should not be expected to be treated as such.If you wanted a wife/daughter and the responsibility that came with it you would have married her.
Tell them no more free lifts, they can always get a taxi. You are not selfish and are being used. Try to get a woman without a child l think you will be happier.

Reply to Claire
Posted by: WTF | 2011/02/16

In answer to your question, Selfish?
My considered, objective, respectful opinion is YES. Cybershrink is also of the opinion, quote - it seems reasonable to help your lady friends daughter to school.

Reply to WTF
Posted by: Foreal | 2011/02/16

Mr H that''s women for you, try inviting your mother for a week to stay with you without discussing it with her, see how she will take it, how much are they paying you anyway? nothing for mahala!

Reply to Foreal
Posted by: Real Man | 2011/02/16

H -mine is an objective opinion.
If you only want people who agree with you to post a reply you should have said so in your posting.
My objective opinion after your latest post still remains that you are selfish and also not mature enough to consider valid criticsm.
If communication with your partner and child is as hostile as with me maybe thats why they did not communicate the lift issue with you.

Reply to Real Man
Posted by: Sam | 2011/02/16

Hell man,you''re not really into this chick are you.
When you take on a woman with a child you should be an example of how a man operates in the world.Real men do favours for others and their family admires them for doing it. They should have discussed it with you before hand but you should not be resentful in giving a child a short lift.
Sometimes we have to put ourselves out for others because what goes around comes around!

Reply to Sam
Posted by: P | 2011/02/16

Of course you are a real man who would have acted otherwise.
I am posing the question to people who could give an objective opinion

Reply to P
Posted by: Real Man | 2011/02/16

Yes you are selfish.
But they should have discussed it with you first. And you should be discussing this with them directly instead of on the internet.
If ,as you say ,you do not want interference in your time ANY sort of relationship is probably not for you.
None of you are communicating and you sound very self centred maybe you should all part ways.

Reply to Real Man
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/16

It seems reasonable to help your lady friend's daughter get to school. It's not reasonable to assume that you will automatically do the same for the girl's friends, though maybe they thought that as it only involves a short detour, it wouldnt bother you. Nonetheless, they should have asked you. Sounds like there's been some poor communication her ?

Reply to cybershrink

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