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Question
Posted by: H | 2010/08/04

Selfish?

My partner has two kids -working/studying.

Because of a lack of funds the one sat the whole recess at home. Now and then we will all take a break together for a week end or so.

I want to go away for a specific weekend (taking leave on the Friday) with my partner as there are certain things to do and see on that week end. (If they are all free to go, I will gladly take everyone along, but as it is they have commitments).
She does not want to go, because she feels bad about her kids not having the opportunity to go with.

I don''t want my own life been ruled by stuff like that. It is not my fault that they cannot go with, why should I (we) be penalised.

Am I selfish?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think its sad that any young person is so lacking in inner resources as to find themselves with nothing to do during recess, due to a lack of money. I'm an old curmudgeon, but I occupied myself happily and usefully through any time-off, without needing to spend any money to do so, and at least spending very little. Its sad that kids have been encouraged to see fun as needing cahs, and as exclusively revolving around clubbing, parties, and so on. Nothing wrong with those activities as such, but really limiting if they see these as the ONLY way to have fun.
I'm sure the kids usually go off on their own amusements without feeling any need to take mom along, which is healthy - why does she feel these adult kids need to come along with the pair of you ? There used to be a great old music-hall song about romance-killing, called "And her mother came, too".
You're not selfish, she is being blinkered and unreasonable, even if for really nice reasons.

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Our users say:
Posted by: H | 2010/08/04

Thanks. I think she reacts this way because she feels guilty of not being able to really give them the opportunities through the years through lack of funds.

But it is bad that it impacts on us, because she feels guilty about going without them.

Reply to H
Posted by: cathy | 2010/08/04

No, definetely not. She needs to let them go, obviously they are not little children anymore, so they must start creating their own opportunities &  fun. They (kids) won''t give up a night of jolling, because mommy can''t / won''t come with, would they?

Reply to cathy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/04

I think its sad that any young person is so lacking in inner resources as to find themselves with nothing to do during recess, due to a lack of money. I'm an old curmudgeon, but I occupied myself happily and usefully through any time-off, without needing to spend any money to do so, and at least spending very little. Its sad that kids have been encouraged to see fun as needing cahs, and as exclusively revolving around clubbing, parties, and so on. Nothing wrong with those activities as such, but really limiting if they see these as the ONLY way to have fun.
I'm sure the kids usually go off on their own amusements without feeling any need to take mom along, which is healthy - why does she feel these adult kids need to come along with the pair of you ? There used to be a great old music-hall song about romance-killing, called "And her mother came, too".
You're not selfish, she is being blinkered and unreasonable, even if for really nice reasons.

Reply to cybershrink

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