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Question
Posted by: Tiffy | 2011/05/08

Self expression

Dear CS, I suffer from a similar problem as poster 853 (Cant express myself). I was severly bullied as a child, being multiracial during the aparheid era I was constantly beaten up and mentally bullied. Although I fought back etc, I got tired and became almost reclusive. My homelife was dysfunctional too as my mother married a man who was abusive, lazy, drunk and irresponsible. So I couldnt turn to her for help and had to endure the abuse (lucky no sexual abuse) My mother also hit me a lot, when I told a lie or got on the wrong side of my stepfather..
When I started working I had problems in the workplace, ie. I dont get along since I want to be left alone and just do my work. I am 38 now, have no friends, no family etc. I am reasonably succesful, have wonderful kids and been married 18 years. However, i still struggle to find words when speaking to people, particularly in confrontational situations, but can also fly off the handle which scares people at times. People find me intimidating, yet I see it as a surrvivial tool. I get anxious sometimes when in an unpredicatble situation and find myself quivering and a need to smoke. I have been to psychologists and hypnotherapy but it hasnt made much difference. Any suggestions?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people have a specific difficulty in finding words to describe or talk about emotional topics, and this might be encouraged to develop by childhood experiences of abuse and lack of nurturing. And sometimes techniques one has to learn as survival tools when younger, are much less functional as one grows older, as they become dysfunctional, protecting you against things you may no longer need to protect against, and which now interfere with things you may actally want or need to approach.
Hypnotherapy would of course be useless in such a complex situation, and indeed I have yet to find ANY situation in which "hypnotherapy" as such and on its own, is a worthwhile and useful therapy for anything at all. Some forms of psychotherapy might help, such as CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which is currently the method with the ebst evidence of usefulness in a wide range of situations, and perhaps some related but more depth-oriented methods. Wishy washy chat with no specific method or aims wouldn't help, of course.
To have succeeded as far as you already have, despite the disadvantages you faced, takes strengths that should enable you, with the right sort of help, to learn to get beyond yhe limitations set when you were younger, and to find more enjoyable ways of relating to others and to life itself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/08

Some people have a specific difficulty in finding words to describe or talk about emotional topics, and this might be encouraged to develop by childhood experiences of abuse and lack of nurturing. And sometimes techniques one has to learn as survival tools when younger, are much less functional as one grows older, as they become dysfunctional, protecting you against things you may no longer need to protect against, and which now interfere with things you may actally want or need to approach.
Hypnotherapy would of course be useless in such a complex situation, and indeed I have yet to find ANY situation in which "hypnotherapy" as such and on its own, is a worthwhile and useful therapy for anything at all. Some forms of psychotherapy might help, such as CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which is currently the method with the ebst evidence of usefulness in a wide range of situations, and perhaps some related but more depth-oriented methods. Wishy washy chat with no specific method or aims wouldn't help, of course.
To have succeeded as far as you already have, despite the disadvantages you faced, takes strengths that should enable you, with the right sort of help, to learn to get beyond yhe limitations set when you were younger, and to find more enjoyable ways of relating to others and to life itself.

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