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Question
Posted by: Johannes | 2010/05/03

Self esteem

Okay... Its been 2 months since my girlfriend left me. She already met someone else and I have accepted the fact that I have to move on! But... I have a very low self esteem at the moment. I used to be a " windgat"  if I can use the afrikaans term. But at this moment I''m truly in my box!

How can I pick myself up! Build myself up! And be the person I really am! I want to be the old me!

Thanks!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously counselling could be really helpful. I think self-esteem, while obviously influenced by circumstances, depeds also on the power one chooses to give away to others - assuming that I am a good guy, or at least good-enough IF she likes me, IF I succeed at work, whatever - and that if she chooses someone else - even if for fricolous reasons arising entirely from who and what she is, and actually having remarkably little to do with me - I am somehow proved to be inadequate. One needs to explore, not artificially positive ideas, but the basis for deciding one's own worth, and how that should be based on your innate basic worth as a good person, and not dependent on the views and actions of others.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/03

Obviously counselling could be really helpful. I think self-esteem, while obviously influenced by circumstances, depeds also on the power one chooses to give away to others - assuming that I am a good guy, or at least good-enough IF she likes me, IF I succeed at work, whatever - and that if she chooses someone else - even if for fricolous reasons arising entirely from who and what she is, and actually having remarkably little to do with me - I am somehow proved to be inadequate. One needs to explore, not artificially positive ideas, but the basis for deciding one's own worth, and how that should be based on your innate basic worth as a good person, and not dependent on the views and actions of others.

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