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Question
Posted by: sheeleybean | 2011/03/28

self-confidence

CS have you ever watched the dog whisperer on natgeo? he has such presence and in spite of film editing etc i believe he really can calm and lead dogs and people! due to a less than pleasant past, nothing dramatic,i am sadly lacking in such calm confidence and assertiveness and really need that in my life.having been through therapy and lifecoaching i know what to do. i try so hard to set my intention, to visualise, to stay relaxed, to get out and do,, to be the change, etc. i just cant seem to develop the strength of mind and spirit though and i dont know what to do.it feels like life is just passing me by because i dont know how to live it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So you'd like to find a People Whsiperer ? I suppose in some ways that's what a good pychotherapist or counsellor is. Life coaches I don't yet respect, and they do whatever they please, being an informal and unstructured, self-inveted field.
Sometimes, excessive navel-gazing, excessive introspection, too much examining of one's every move and emotion, and so on, can be effectively and affectively paralyzing. It's often important to just go ahead and live, without questioning all that you do.
And as Helper suggests, maybe the way you are naturally is prety fine, even if it doesn't match the assertive, confident creature described in self-help books. Here again, I worry about the sort of person Life Coaches and greetings cards seem to assume we must be.
I suspect you're pretty good as you are, without as much modification as you may be assuming you need

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Kasandra | 2011/03/28

Hi There.

Ceaser teaches being calm and assertive when you deal with your dog, cause when you are excited it rubs off on the dog. Even thou I am calm and assertive with my dog its def a work in progress like you said. Fake it till you make it. That is my motto.

How to be calm and assertive. I found calmness through a few factors. I decided that I want to be kind to myself and not judge myself. I gave up things in my life that adds stress. I had to step back and distance myself from always reaching out to people so I can spend time with myself and validate what makes me happy and calm. what is important to myself.

Before I could be assertive I had to tell myself its not about being rude its about being firm in what you want and stand up for that right.

That being said I am still a very sensitive person.

In the end its all about balance and moderation as Ceaser points out when the dog is in a calm state of mind that is when you give the love.

Each journey is unique. Dont be too hard on yourself. We need diferent kinds of people on earth to make it interesting and well do keep things balanced.

Good luck

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Helper | 2011/03/28

You know, some people are not just cut out to be confident and outgoing. The secret is being the best person you can be and remain true to yourself. You are a very special individual and there is no one in the world the same. Quite unique.

If you take the time and stop to think about it, you will find there are many wonderful attributes that you posses that you do not recognise or do not appreciate them to their fullest. Enjoy them and consider yourself privileged to have them, n ot everyone does.

Reply to Helper
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/28

So you'd like to find a People Whsiperer ? I suppose in some ways that's what a good pychotherapist or counsellor is. Life coaches I don't yet respect, and they do whatever they please, being an informal and unstructured, self-inveted field.
Sometimes, excessive navel-gazing, excessive introspection, too much examining of one's every move and emotion, and so on, can be effectively and affectively paralyzing. It's often important to just go ahead and live, without questioning all that you do.
And as Helper suggests, maybe the way you are naturally is prety fine, even if it doesn't match the assertive, confident creature described in self-help books. Here again, I worry about the sort of person Life Coaches and greetings cards seem to assume we must be.
I suspect you're pretty good as you are, without as much modification as you may be assuming you need

Reply to cybershrink

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