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Question
Posted by: Nelene Buck | 2011/10/19

Seks probleme

Hi ek is heeltemal koud teenoor my man en dit pla my ek probeer maar dit is asof ek die heeltyd wegskram van dit af.Dit is baie erger van my seuntjie se geboorte af.As ek miskien 1 keer in 2 maande se tyd seks wil he is dit dan ook te veel.Wat moet ek doen?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Hi Nelene, I must apologise but my written Afrikaans is poor so I will have to respond in English...

This is a common post-natal experience and may be due to several factors:
1. the hormones during breastfeeding, or the act of breastfeeding may dampen sexual interest
2. if you are suffering from post-natal depression, this will dampen your sexual interest and you need some medical support
3. tiredness / exhaustion due to sleep deprivation frequently knocks sex down the priority list as your priority is likely to be your baby & building your 'family'.
4. difficulty adjusting to being a mother and the idea of being sexual as a mother may turn some people off.
5. resentment that your role as mother has changed you completely and you may feel that your husband's life has remained largely the same (e.g. he can still go to gym or out with his friends, but you may feel too guilty to or feel unable to because of breastfeeding or fear of having someone else look after your baby)
6. You may feel that all you do is meet other people's demands - the baby, work, husband - not only could this reduce your libido as you are likely to feel drained, but also make it difficult for you to want to do anything about it because you just give, give, give...
7. if your baby shares your bedroom or bed, you may feel inhibited.

Unfortunately, unless you have a lower level of testosterone (which is not common and can be difficult to measure as women's testosterone is naturally low anyway) there is nothing pharmaceutical licensed to assist you. You need to identify the cause for your loss in sexual interest before you can do anything about it, once identified, it's likely you'll need your husband's support to make relevant changes that can move you closer to how you once were. This might include him sharing some of the load so that you know it's not all up to you (and that he is hearing your concerns), you taking some time for yourself to feel like an individual again, focusing on the couple relationship and not just the baby, and enhancing your sexual relationship however you can - use of lubricant, sex toys, or fantasy to turn you on - you might find that desire emerges when you become aroused.

Claire – SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011/10/20

Hi Nelene, I must apologise but my written Afrikaans is poor so I will have to respond in English...

This is a common post-natal experience and may be due to several factors:
1. the hormones during breastfeeding, or the act of breastfeeding may dampen sexual interest
2. if you are suffering from post-natal depression, this will dampen your sexual interest and you need some medical support
3. tiredness / exhaustion due to sleep deprivation frequently knocks sex down the priority list as your priority is likely to be your baby & building your 'family'.
4. difficulty adjusting to being a mother and the idea of being sexual as a mother may turn some people off.
5. resentment that your role as mother has changed you completely and you may feel that your husband's life has remained largely the same (e.g. he can still go to gym or out with his friends, but you may feel too guilty to or feel unable to because of breastfeeding or fear of having someone else look after your baby)
6. You may feel that all you do is meet other people's demands - the baby, work, husband - not only could this reduce your libido as you are likely to feel drained, but also make it difficult for you to want to do anything about it because you just give, give, give...
7. if your baby shares your bedroom or bed, you may feel inhibited.

Unfortunately, unless you have a lower level of testosterone (which is not common and can be difficult to measure as women's testosterone is naturally low anyway) there is nothing pharmaceutical licensed to assist you. You need to identify the cause for your loss in sexual interest before you can do anything about it, once identified, it's likely you'll need your husband's support to make relevant changes that can move you closer to how you once were. This might include him sharing some of the load so that you know it's not all up to you (and that he is hearing your concerns), you taking some time for yourself to feel like an individual again, focusing on the couple relationship and not just the baby, and enhancing your sexual relationship however you can - use of lubricant, sex toys, or fantasy to turn you on - you might find that desire emerges when you become aroused.

Claire – SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Nonni | 2011/10/19

It is a fact that men who do not get sattisfied at home will run around. You can either accept that this is going to happen and your marraige will end, or you can make a concerted effort to change the way you think about it.

Sex starts in your head. It is an attitude - you can ask any woman who exudes sex appeal and they will confirm what I am saying.

Change the way you think. JR said yesterday, fantasise. I cant reiterate that enough. Buy sexy little numbers. Be a sexy godess - make him want you. Be the hottest babe alive ( You are that in any case, start believing it)

I know it''s a schlep when you are tired and the baby is demanding and its the last thing in the world you want to do, but, its unfortunately a fact of life that, if you want a happy husband, you are the one that must keep him happy, otherwise, I have already said what the consequences are.

If it is post natal blues, maybe a little therapy and anti depressant may do the world of good

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: Chris 758 | 2011/10/19

Hi Nelene, you must be very carefull about thie. You say it is worse after the birth of your child so hoow bad was it before the baby?

Do you love your husband or are you tired of him? You have to talk to your husband and ind out why this is happening because your marraige will not make it if you leave it as is!!!

It will also help a great deal if you both go for councilling!

Reply to Chris 758
Posted by: Anon | 2011/10/19

English please

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Speel | 2011/10/19

Speel

Reply to Speel

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