Posted by: Monke | 2013-02-13

Secrets of my late partner

Dear Everyone,

I was involved with a man for almost 8 years, we meet when i was in school He was also my 1st and got engaged when we started working. We were best friends, everybody used to call us twins because we were never apart. We are there for each-other through think and thin, financially, emotionally, family quarrels, studies u name them, everything that i could ever dream of in a healthy relationship.

As we are busy planning our wedding and planning to have a baby and buy a house, unfortunate happened when he was killed on hit-and-run. I was so deeply destroyed by this, i tried to commit suicide so many times, as i felt the pain was getting too much for me, i was checked in on a mad-house for 5months,years went by and i got better and moved on with my life. but the memories and the love stayed with me forever.

is 6 years later, lastweek i was chatting to a new friend i was telling him about my late lover and somehow he said he recall the name from somewhere and he then later called me and says he remembers that his sister once dated a man who passed away also, he asked to call my sister and check if this is true, i chatted to this lady, and to our suprise, she was dating this man the same time our dating him, he dated her for 5 years and me for 8 years, i didnt wana believe it, then i asked her some personal stuff that i and only i knew i about this man and she knew all this information as he also shared it with her.

he promised both of us marriage, he was living a double life and non of us knew it. how could this be, he was lying to me all this years, unfaithful and pretending to care, i cant believe i almost killed myself for him.

i cant stop crying since i heard the news, i now look at this pics and i feel so empty inside.

I dont know how to remember him now, i wish he was here to answer for all this, to tell me more lies or to confess it all.. I hate him so much, every sunday i used to go to his grave and put some flowers and talk to him. I didnt go this past weekend,, how could he do this, can someone be so cruel. Am in so much pain,

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Our expert says:
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So sorry to hear about this. SO he was less than you believed him to be, but maybe more than it feels right now. I doubt that he intended to hurt either of you, but more likely he got involved with each of you, felt fond of you both, and didn't have the courage to choose or to tell either of you what else was happening in his life which would have been so relevant to your life.
You were sincere, but maybe gave too much power over your own life, to him - more than one should give to anyone else.
Do see a good local counsellor or psychologist to help you work through all this - its a massive amount of new information, forcing an re-evaluation of so much you felt so sure about, and you deserve some expert help in sorting it out.
Your experience also shows, relevant to "Hurt "that suicide though a common thought in such grief, is never a solution. He was wrong and he did wrong, but in a way you brought out some of the best parts of him, to the benefit of both of you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Monke | 2013-02-15

thanx everyone for your thoughts::

to: Mbali

Yes, i did meet with the lady and we exchanged information hence it was confirmed with no doubt that we were involved with one man, she also was shocked that i was in the picture, so he played his cards right and fool both of us, i cant believe it. Same promises he made to both of us, secrets that i though i only knew about him, she knows them too.

How could i have been so blind to not see any signs of cheating. yesterday was even more painfull on Valentine, it took me back to all the V days we shared and now knowing that he was spending half day with me and half day with her makes me sick. I dont blame the other woman she is just as much fooled as i was. but like i said i cant stop crying because he is the one who has answers to all my questions, and yet he is so gone.

its like mourning him all over again, but this time with anger and hurt. Will it ever get better. Wish i could just erase him in my thoughts, i removed all this pics from my house and it feel so empty inside.

I will sick professional help, because i cant deal with this

Reply to Monke
Posted by: Mbali | 2013-02-15

I don''t think he meant to hurt either of you. And please, don''t refer to the other woman as a concubine. He probably made the same promises to her.

We are all human. And there is a possibility that he loved you both and just couldn''t break either of your hearts.

I know it is wrong. A few years ago I would have said it is despicable and he was horrible to do that to the both of you. But I met someone that fell in love with me. i am married and will never have a relationship with him. It has been 5 years and we are still friends. We don''t see each other more than once a year, maybe twice, when he comes for meetings. We meet for coffee and that is about it. But every day he tells me he loves me.

I tell him all the time that I will never feel the same. I don''t see him as anything more than a friend. I keep asking him about his wife. He says he can''t explain. He fell in love with me when he first met me 5 years ago. We were both attending a conference for a week.

So don''t think the worse of your ex. I know it is very painful and breaks your heart to hear this now. I am so sorry. And you shouldn''t jump to conclusions. Maybe it was you he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with after all. You just will never know the answers that you need.

My concern is why would the new boyfriend want to cause such heartbreak now. He could have just left it as it was. Or found a more diplomatic way to let both you and his sister know about this. He has caused pain to both of you.

Sisi have you spoken to this other lady? She must have questions too. Why don''t you meet with her. Neither of you have done anything wrong, but you both need to chat and get thru this, especially if you intend having a relationship with her brother.

Reply to Mbali
Posted by: kgee | 2013-02-13

hi Kelly
wat u a saying its true nothing to add or prune anything u said,
she shud remember everything they had together ,the luv,tenderness,kind,being honest to u im glad the guy was there for u all the time he neva hurt u or something he showed respect ,u have to forgive and respect him even though he is not there anymore ,not most of us who do that and he was there for u 24/07 he chose u than his concubine he was lying to her thats hw men they lying to concubine bt wen i get home i dont show that im coming from my glad n enjoy life

Reply to kgee
Posted by: Just Me | 2013-02-13

One sure it''s the same Guy? Has this lady got pictures of them together to show you? Intimate pictures and lots of them...5 years is a long time. I''m just wondering...before you completely erase this fellow from your life.

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: FK | 2013-02-13

life goes on, get a man and move on he is gone nothing will change.

Reply to FK
Posted by: Latoya | 2013-02-13

Wow Kelly you said it all. Monke what you shared with this guys was just too special, let alone what he did with the other person, as we would say, what you dont know wont hurt you. he never showed you any signs of unfaithfulness.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: Kelly | 2013-02-13

That is horrible! Just when you were starting to cope with it all you are dealt another blow. I wouldnt say everything he told you was a lie though, I''m sure he loved you and cared for you as much as he said he did.
Maybe he was just confused at the time and who know how it all would have ended BUT God has his own plans for everyone.

I would say continue knowing as you did all that time how much he loved and cared for you, yes he made mistakes but he is gone now and cannot explain them to you. Just remember the love you guys had and the good person he was to you while he lived.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Hurt | 2013-02-13

I''m so sorry Monke to hear about your pain I hope you will get some help and be able to move on again. I''m just happy to hear that after his death you were able to move on, meaning that it is possible to move on. I''m going through the same thing and tomorrow will be a month I last saw my boyfriend alive and I was seriously considering commiting suicide but hearing your story give me hope that the pain I feel right now will go away.


Reply to Hurt
Posted by: Nomava | 2013-02-13

Hi Sisi

They say time heals all wounds. I cannot comprehend the pain you are going through.Consider seeing some1, just to talk. I cannot say much because im going through my own issues, but trust in God.he will get you through it.

Reply to Nomava

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