Our expert says:
He sounds like a formerly good young man, who has been lucky to have friends and relatives like you.
Its a pity, though, that you have become caught up in the problems of him and his mistress, If she has problems in her marriage she should either try to fix it through marriage counselling, or divorce, and if she fears her husband's reaction to this, a group like POWA which helps abused women leave safely, could advise her. And how does she expect such a potentially violent husband to react when ( its hardly "if" ) he finds out about the affair ?
An unhappy marriage is not a good excuse for an affair. And being "in love" with your mistress isn't an excuse for hurting others, either.
But then your subsequent comments suggest that ther is no abuse and a pleasant husband, who she is cheating on, and blaming for her bad behavior. And then that they are using you to help them cheat. That is not acceptable.
You and your husband may need another calm and serous discussion with him, pointing out how often he has lied to you and involved you, and how his promises are meaningless. Tell him to pack his bags and that unless the affair ends NOW, he must leave, and where he can then afford to stay is HIS problem, not yours. He can't use his poverty as an excuse to expect to be allowed to get away with a seedy affair hurting others.
It could be argued that it IS your place to tell her husband, because you are not nosy neighbours, but have been deliberately involved by the young man and his mistress in misleading that husband, and you wish to set that record straight.
You're not under an obligation to keep struggling to talk sense into him when he so obviously ignores or rejects your advice. And you would not be throwing him to the wolves - he and his mistress ARE the wolves.
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