Posted by: Me | 2009-07-16

School problems

I have a 12year old stepson, his mother does not contribute financially. I earn more than my husband. My girl is turning 6 and I told my husband I' ll be sending her to a Private School. He thinks this is unfair as stepson is at a public school. I don' t see why babygirl has to suffer since i' ll be paying for the school. I mean I can afford it and I can' t help that he had a son with a mother who does not care. If we had to send him to a private school then babygirl won' t be able to go as we will never be able to afford sending both. Also he doesn' t even care about his schoolwork, never puts in an effort to study so why should we spent all that money on a private school if its going to be a waste.
Am I being wrong here?

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Our expert says:
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If you're paying for your child's schooling, he hardly has grounds to object --- and it is not your fault that the other child's mother chooses not to contribute at all, and that your husband couldn't or didn't choose to pay to send him to a better school. You're not responsible for their prior history, nor should your daughter be given less because the other child received less in earlier years to date. If the boy isn't particularly interested in diferent schooling, he's unlikely to be bothered. Is your husband expecting your daughter with him to receive less than you could give her, or to have YOU pay for his son, at the expense of your daughter ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stepmom | 2009-07-17

When you married your husband you knew he had a son, didn' t you? You also probably knew that the mother doesn' t contribute financially, right? When you marry a man or woman with a child you accept that that child becomes part of your life, your wallet and you heart.
You seem to have the typical evil step mom attitude : “ He’ s your child so I want nothing to do with this.” 
And I' m not just talking about the school issue - in your post you come across as seeing this child as a burden. Obviously your feelings will carry across to the boy and could do some serious damage.
Think hard about where your stepson feature in your life.

Reply to Stepmom
Posted by: Liza | 2009-07-17

Saying that stepson will only be wasting money if he is sent to private school is a bit petty. Perhaps the only reason why he isn' t interested in schoolwork, is because in the public school system the teachers aren' t really motivated to make schoolwork interesting for the pupils. This could change if he is sent to private school.

However, it is not your duty to pay for stepsons'  education. I' m just curious though - if his mother isn' t contributing financially, does the boy see her regularly? It would be rather sad if his mother just didn' t care. It would also be nice in this situation if you could find a place in your heart for your stepson.

I' m sorry if I' m a little intense here, but your situation reminds me so much of my situation - with me in the role of absentee mother. My ex-husband is married again with custody of our boys and a 3 year old stepdaughter. Even though in my situation, I do help my ex-husband financially, I still don' t see my boys often since I' m in CT and they' re in PTA. I know that I for one would appreciate it if stepmom could find it in her heart to care for my boys. Not financially, but emotionally. Although I also have to say that I would not begrudge stepmom from sending her own daughter to private school while I can only afford to help send my boys to public school.

I' m rambling. I' ll stop now.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Lee | 2009-07-16

I think thats selfish of you. You don' t know what goes on in that boys head. When I was being a difficult teen my step mother used HER pension money to make sure I got the best I could. You married the man so you should accept his son as YOUR son. Sounds like money and spoiling your daughter is more important.

Reply to Lee

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