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Question
Posted by: Karuska | 2010-02-07

Scared to make decissions and stick to it - serious decissions

Good day Dr Cyber Shrink,

I hope you can give me an idea of the next step I need to take, not that anyone hasn' t already, I just dont trust their inputs.
I am engaged. I was supposed to get married in December 2009. A month before the wedding I asked if we could wait a bit longer because I am having doubts. Everyone was obviously very upset with me but said they understood. My fiancee is the most wonderfull guy you can imagine. He is kind, loving, patient and has a very decent job. Why can I not marry him then? Because I need to raise him every day, I need to think for him, if I say jump he askes how high. Perfect husband - NOT. I was treated for deppression a while back. Things like that he just can not understand and tries to fix me. I come from a bit of a messy home and he comes from a perfect home. Ok, but now, just after I stopped the wedding, my boss' s brother confessed that he was crazy about me. I felt I was in love. I was a MAN. My fiancee knew about it, and I did not cheat on him. I asked my fiancee to give me a break and he move back to Cape Town. In the meantime, I continued seeing the other guy, just as friends, but his feelings grew stronger and so did mine. Everyone convinced me that I should leave my fiancee because we will never be happy and that we are killing each other emotionally. I became really really depressed and thought about killing myself or wishing for something to happen to me so that everything can just stop. I love my fiancee and I am terrified that if I leave him that I will make the worst mistake ever. On the other hand - yes, I feel so unbelievably guilty and hate myself but me and the boss' s brother became more than friends. He thinks that I left my fiancee in December already - so I am LYING to him. Yesterday I asked him to leave me alone and that I do not want to see him anymore - I know he has very strong feelings for me and I can see it in his actions, he is crushed and I am relieved but I miss him so much. It feels like I should just carry on and marry my fiancee, but in my heart I know that I can not be happy in ' n marriage like that. I think about this all the time and it is busy destroying me. I am so unbelievably sad and scared and I know that my family is getting sick and tyred of me not being able to make up my mind. My mom said I am not 12 years old and it should not be this hard, but it is and I dont know why. Do you think it would help if I go for hypnotherapy so that whatever is stopping me from living can go away. I am still young and life is passing me by without me even caring. Please help with an answer as I am so desperate and do not know what to do anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

People who come from messy homes tend at least to know that things often need fixing ; people from what appear to be perfect homes may learn that nothing needs fixing, and that if it does, you should never acknowledge this.
But the issues you describe are really complex, and you deserve to sit down calmly with a counsellor or therapist and talk iy through so as to make the wisest decision available to you at this time. The risk at present sems to be that you have already hurt and confused your fiancee and the other guy, and could end up with all three of you hurt, to nobody's advantage.
HYpnotherapy would be of no possible advantage in this situation, but normal practical counselling, especially of the CBT format, WOULD help. Often the request for "hypnotherapy" represents a form of wish for magic, for someone wonderful to come in and solve it all for you, while you are in trance. Even if that were posible, it would not be useful. There's nothing preventing you from making these decision properly which can be magic-ed away by a hypnotist.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: nicci | 2010-02-08

I think you know exactly what to do.don' t waste your time, move on. Its his loss

Reply to nicci
Posted by: nicci | 2010-02-08

Reply to nicci
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-07

People who come from messy homes tend at least to know that things often need fixing ; people from what appear to be perfect homes may learn that nothing needs fixing, and that if it does, you should never acknowledge this.
But the issues you describe are really complex, and you deserve to sit down calmly with a counsellor or therapist and talk iy through so as to make the wisest decision available to you at this time. The risk at present sems to be that you have already hurt and confused your fiancee and the other guy, and could end up with all three of you hurt, to nobody's advantage.
HYpnotherapy would be of no possible advantage in this situation, but normal practical counselling, especially of the CBT format, WOULD help. Often the request for "hypnotherapy" represents a form of wish for magic, for someone wonderful to come in and solve it all for you, while you are in trance. Even if that were posible, it would not be useful. There's nothing preventing you from making these decision properly which can be magic-ed away by a hypnotist.

Reply to cybershrink

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