Our expert says:
In some ways, some alcoholics and other substance abusers, and indeed some other disordered folks, almost rely on YOUR difficulty in seeing them suffer, to assume that you will rescue them time and again. I wrote a classic article some years back on "Exactly how many very last chances do you expect ?" Its laudable to want to help, but you can't do it for them.
And sometikes Tough Love is the only potentially helpful reaction - to force them to confront the situation they have created. Unless and until they sincerely become determined to change, they won't do so.
You can't encourage him to take the essential step of taking personal responsibility for his choices, if youi keep on taking the responsibility for him.
Don't be so sensitive to his "suffering" - he's causing suffering for you and your mom, and has probably anaesthetized himself. SADAG ( number on this page ) may be helpful for YOU, in providing a support group to help you through this phase.
AA and AlAnon offer support for the spouses of alcoholics, too, and this may be a useful resource for you.
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