Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2011-03-31

Saw the signs, put up a fight, no use

Hi CS,
As per my previous posting, I knew the new guy was a problem, I told him straight that we were not good for each other and we should go our separate ways, but since then I have had a hyterectomy and he has made himself part of my life whether I want it or not. I had so many ideas of what I was going to do during this time at home but got to nothing (6 weeks of nothing), I only finished reading two books, it is a shame.

I have been rude, unfair, unkind, etc. to him but he just ignores me, he has since also moved in, it is just too much, before I knew it he was there, " sak en pak"  as the afrikaans people will say. He is pushing for our relationship to become intimate but I am fighting him with all I am worth, it hasn''t happened yet, and it is not a lack on trying on his side, he even walks around me naked and will lie down naked and tell me it is all mine, I am disgusted by this, but he doesn''t understand.

He gets upset because of my mood swings and when I tell him I cannot always help it, he becomes sarcastic, he is making my life a living hell, where I was depressed before I am becoming a very tightly drawn elastic, close to snapping. I attacked him the other day after he punched a friend of mine, a women, she is a lesbian, a butch, but she is tiny, she did not react, I slapped him, he threatened to kill her and is still going on as such. My friends needed a place to stay and I agreed they could temporarily stay by us, he was not happy and has made it very difficult for everyone, they, my friends don''t even come out of their room, they don''t eat in my house or watch TV or anything, we cannot have a conversation, then he throws a tandrum.

If they do something for me, he gets upset because he will do it for me. I am at the point where I want to do nothing, take enough tablets to pull the blankets over my head and sleep, not to wake up for a while. I didn''t even let my kids come to visit me, the air was too tense. What am I to do? I told him to move out - he ignored me. I phoned the police - they didn''t show. He said he would leave - he never did. I again requested him to move in no uncertain terms - he left me alone and later came back, basically ignoring what I had said, promising me that he will be marrying me and he will never leave me, this was more a threat. Any suggestions before I do something stupid?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You have had really bad luk with explotative men, haven't you. Couldn't you discuss this with the Magistrate's Court and get a restraining order, forcing him to leave your home and not to approach or harm you in any way ?
janette's response is hardly helpful, but the others make good sense.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2011-04-01

Why don''t you just tell him that if he has not left by the end of the day that you will be laying a charge against him for squatting illegally in your home, or at least get a restraining order.

Goodness, he''s just moved in uninvited and is leeching off you and is rude to your guests. Why are you putting up with this?

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Truth | 2011-03-31

Liza advice is spot on.
Give him money to go to the bottle store for beer and cigs.
Get friends to help change locks and put his stuff on the side walk.
Phone cops say you are being threatened.
In future do not allow men to move in.
I cannot help but think you make poor decisions in your life, maybe try theraphy to ascertain why you go from one disaster to another. After all the common denominator in all these situations is yourself.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Liza | 2011-03-31

My goodness. Some people are terribly judgemental aren''t they?

You need to go to the police station and start proceedings to get an interdict against him from contacting you, or coming close to you. Tell them about the death threats - do you have any proof like sms/email etc? Because that would help your case.

You can also just put all his stuff on the sidewalk while he''s not there - and have the locks changed. You can even do it while he''s at work or out. Then do not open the door for him when he returns and can''t come in. If he starts to make trouble you phone the police again. Then you tell them that your life is in danger and if they don''t come fast, you''ll be forced to shoot him in self defence. Even if you don''t have a gun. Police tend to arrive very quickly if you threaten to shoot someone. I know it''s crying wolf, but it''s one of the few ways to get the police to respond.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: janette | 2011-03-31

Beyond Tyred, hoe''s dit moontlik dat jy jouself altyd in hierdie soort situasies kry? Ek begin dink jy like dit as jy die " martie-martelgat"  in die verhaal is. Hoekom drink jy nie maar die pille en kry dit oor en verby nie? Jou kinders sal BAIE beter af wees sonder jou want jy beteken op hierdie stadium vir hulle niks.

Jou en jou kinders se lewe het ''n 2de kans gehad toe jou ex dood is. Ek was skoon opgewonde vir jou part om uiteindelik alleen te kon wees en nie met vrees te lewe vir die man nie. Maar jy kon jouself net eenvoudig nie help om so vinnig moontlik in die volgende geweldadige man se arms in te hardloop nie. Wel, wie weet, mieskien is dit wat jy verdien!

Jy wil duidelik nie na raad luister en ek begin regtig dink dat jy hierdie soort negatiewe aandag crave. So geniet dit, net jammer jou kinders lei onder jou optredes.

Reply to janette
Posted by: Nexus | 2011-03-31

So your taking pills to sleep and this guy is tossing death threats at your friends?

Nasty. What are you going to do? You need to get rid of this guy fast, but how? It doesn''t sound like you have many male friends who could help kick his-|-out. you have money? That could help, say R850, just buy a bunch of guys to beat him out of your life.

Or you could save your money and just convince him to piss off.

Use your intelligence think up a plan, maybe he won a trip to mossel bay or something, make it seem on the up and up, all you need is 48 hours to change the locks : )

Reply to Nexus

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