Our expert says:
I'm really pleased to hear that you reject thoughts of harming yourself. Some folks are just mean, and their meanness may not be about you, or caused by you, but you simply happen to be handy when they feel like being mean. You seem to feel you have to somehow buy friendship, and its really not for sale --- people who make you feel as though you have to earn their friendship are simply not friends at all, at any price. You don't need that sort of "friend" at all, and can look for new and more genuine friends. Often pursuing a hobby or charity work, and such like activities enables you to meet people who are pleasant and share some of your interests.
Now, two other points. One is your point that you need to love yourself before others are likely to like you. In so many ways, someone who dislikes themselves signals this to other people, and this puts them off. Seein a personal counsellor would be a really good idea, to focus on your very low self-estem, and you can work also on improving techniques for making friends, and recognizing fake friends.
Then : " Why does the world hate me??? " I never forget many years ago when I voiced similar sentiments, a friend of mine ( a REAL friend ) said, cheerily : " Now you know that's not true --- there are several sections of Uzhbekistan where they have absolutely no feelings about you at all !" And maniy of the Pacific Islands are entirely neutral about you. I understand such statements are not meant to be literally true, but to express how you feel --- but there's a risk that if you continue such a negative dialogue with yourself, you will behave as though it was true.
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