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Question
Posted by: Emma | 2009/04/24

Sadness

Hi doc,

I have not been here for a while and the whole look of the site has changed! My question to you today is: is it normal to still feel so sad after so many years? My father died today 14 years ago and every year I not only remember, but feel so sad and still want to cry. Seems silly at my age or not?

Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nice to have you visit again, Emma. I gather the site has been undergoing a re-design gradually, section by section. I hope people like the new look
There is absolutely nothing whatever silly about you. Any normal person is hurt by the loss of someone they love, and even many years again various things can cast us back into sadness, especially on the anniversary of a death. And as Really's comments reflect, sometimes if one doesn't fully work through the grief at the time, for whatever reason, it may come upon us later on, even years later --- sometimes in relation to anniversaires, sometimes sometimes after a more trivial loss, like the death of a budgie. ( And I'm not saying pet loss is trivial, just that it's usually less than the loss of a parent or other loved one ).
And crying to oneself on such an anniversary, is probably more meaningful than putting flowers on a grave

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Emma | 2009/04/24

Thank you to you all, your kind words are very much apprecieated. My father played a huge roll in my life as my mother died when I was 5. It is true when one gets older one does want family around you. Thank you all.

Reply to Emma
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/04/24

I miss my dog more than my husband, both passed on, he never cared or loved me the way he was supposed to. Abusive, now I always pray for God to give me the man who lives according to his way. I feel so guilty I don' t miss him, but I can' t do anything since he was the course of the problem. I always pray to God to forgive me for not missing him even for a single day - now going to the second year. Its never easy. Be strong and pray, you are not alone.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/04/24

not at all dear, my mom got killed 24 yrs ago and i still get freaked out about it... it is different for each one of us I guess.
U r not alone...

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Really | 2009/04/24

It' s weird, I lost my father 9 years ago and my eldest sister 2 years after my father died.... At that moment even though I was very sad.. I really did not mourn them.. And all these years I have found my self getting in the same situation as you.. sad and even cry, so much it scares me.... but one have had to seek professional theraphy and it has helped a great deal.

Could you be going through a similar situation? Also just remember that when we lose our loved ones, we never really begin to deal with the loss untill we start realising what their loss in our lives mean. Maybe there is something happening in your life that makes you feel as though you need your father' s love and protection or also remember that to some extent, as we grow older, our sense of need for family usually grows.. you want to be surrounded by family and need to be recognised as being a member of the family and if your loved ones are far or maybe even not alive anymore like in your case... the emotional sense is usually unbearable... All i can say is that you may need to seek professional help to assist you in dealing with the pain and sadness you are going through.

And crying every so once in a while especially on the day your father died is absolutely OK......

All the best.

Reply to Really
Posted by: Emma | 2009/04/24

Sorry I forgot to say I am 53.

Reply to Emma

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