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Question
Posted by: Bubble Bath | 2013-02-14

Sad today

I''m a bit depressed today. I''ve had a very trying week, one of our dogs had to be put down, I''ve been fighting with my family... I''m quite down today.

Valentine''s Day is just another day. I know, I usually don''t care about it. My fiance is working very late tonight, he says he''ll probably be home by about 23:00. I know he''s not planning any secret Valentines Dinner, it''s not his style either and I know when he says he has to work, I know it''s ACTUAL work.

I''m also quite depressed because in June, it will be our 10 year anniversary and we aren''t married yet. We''ve been formally engaged now for two years, but we just can''t afford ANY wedding. We have so much debt that any extra money gets poured into paying off debt and savings for when it''s a rainy day and we don''t want to get into more debt (and we seem to have rainy day very often). All our friends and family say it would be sooo awesome for us to get married this year... they just don''t understand that we don''t have money to!

Very depressing.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course one feels sad in such circumstances - its actually important to allow oneself, within reason, to feel sad when its an appropriate response to situations. Not excessively sad, not for inappropriately long, and not allowing oneself to wallow in it and move towards miserable and unhelpful conclusions or responses to it.
Valentine's Day is indeed nothing whatever, other than a scam dreamed up by marketers to sell low-quality stuff to mugs, and it inflicts much unfair misery on people who are led to feel disappointed when its never as marvellous as the adverts promise.
And please, folks, NO surprise or secret delights - anything genuione is entirely as delightful when openly planned. If the Pistorius tragedy happened the way some reports suggest, someone planning a silly "surprise" ended up being horribly surprised themselves.
NOBODY normal enjoys surprises.
If you love each other and its financial reasons that have postponed marriage, then work with good counselling to get out of debt and to be able to afford a pleasant marriage. That's not something to allow yourself to get miserable about. Save all the expenditure you can.
Amd simply explain the money difficulties to family and friends. If they;d like to contribute generously to pay for your wedding, that'd be nice. If not, then they should stop selfishly nagging you about it

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bubble Bath | 2013-02-16

Kgee, thank you. I only hope God blesses us with some extra money.

Kelly, thanks as well. I never wanted a huge wedding, just A wedding. I even thought to have it at a garden but really, we have R3000 in our savings. Not enough for anything and I know my car is due for a service...

Thanks Pixie. I know the wedding is just the day and we will never spend a huge amount of money as it just seems like such a waste.

Reply to Bubble Bath
Posted by: Pixie | 2013-02-15

Hi Bubble Bath
Dont despair. I''ve been married nearly 6 years next month and we havent done anything special for valentines the last two years - I just made a nice dinner both times at home. I got no gifts, no surprises etc.. (but paid for the dinner ingredients on his credit card - lol!) We prefer making a bigger deal of our wedding anniversary.
I know you''d love to get married - why not do a small intimate affair with your immediate family and your best friends? Focus on the marriage and not on the wedding. There is no point in incurring extra debt just to splash out on one day!
Men often also worry less about the wedding and the material stuff it symbollises. He is already totally committed to you and probably just sees the marriage as a formality but in his heart you are married.
Go seek debt councelling and put some goals in place to work towards.

Reply to Pixie
Posted by: Kelly | 2013-02-15

Kgee save your preaching for church, seriously!

BB why on earth do you feel that you need to have a huge wedding. Just get married and have something small with only your immediate family. Or even better just the 2 of you. The money you would have spent on a wedding can be spent on a honeymoon or paying your debt.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: kgee | 2013-02-14

bubble bath
i knw its not easy however GOD is the GOD of miracles he is GOD of delivarance,impossibilities he make a way even if there is no hope or way TRUST in the LORD pray hard until something happens be a woman of faith ur husband need ur prayers. plz read (MARK 11:24)without faith it is impossible to please GOD pray with faith ask someone or ur pastor to pray for u,u will c the power of GOD, he will never let u down like the devil he a liar it doesnt matter wat devil says to u.IN mighty name of JESUS u will get married this year .....remember GOD luvs u so mach tell him wat u want .....all the best

Reply to kgee

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