There may be a few things going on here that may be contributing to your husband's behaviour. It has been a shock for you to find your husband in that way and you mention you feel betrayed. It is important to know that once in a longer term relationship, it is not uncommon for couples to have intercourse about once or twice a week but you have also said that he is often not in the mood and that it usually last about 10 mins. You have mentioned that he has a very demanding and physical job and is usually tired. It could be that his lack of desire is due to the fact that he is very tired and over worked. Stress and fatigue can certainly affect his desire for sex. I would encourage him to go for a medical check-up. It may be that he has a medical cause for his lack of response. It would also be important to find out what his erectile function is like. Is it firm as sometimes there may be another sexual reason which then impacts on his response. It may be that the fact that he watched porn when young has affected his sexual arousal. I would recommend that he first rules out a medical problem for his response. Perhaps he needs to address his work stress and how to manage it. He says that he loves you the way you are, I do not feel that by loosing weight (unless better for health reasons) and wearing 'skimpy clothes' that make you feel 'cheap' will change his beaviour. It may be that you need to seek the help of a professional who can help you with this issue. For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
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