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Question
Posted by: mary | 2012/08/22

Sad

Hi CS

I am 27 yrs old involved with a 38 yr old father of two from previous relationships loved him him with all his baggage he has a small business I ended up making a loan to help out with business unfortunatley it didnt work out so I am struggling financialy due to the repayments of loan supporting him as well but damn that man can be rude he suspects me of cheating at work everytym he sees me to talkin to a man be it a collegue he says I am sleeping with him its so draining.He doesnt want to be exposed to any of my work events even if I invite him but when i come back he says i was busy with my male collegues he has a serious inferior complex he likes to say that i should go look for a man who is a Director and educated like me OMG i met him knowing he wasnt educated I am so tired of babying him it feels like I am with a 20 yr old I am now pregnant with his child but when he is agnry he denies the child and says its my mangers child he when i pay his rent or buy him food he doesnt say thanks instead he will re mind m etha i must knw that he is still the man and just cos I am helpin him doesnt mean I am better I really wanna quit on this relationship I am not happy at all

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Mary, Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad and facing such disappointment. Obviously you now realize that its not often wise to get involved with someone with a history of failed relationships, or one with financial difficulties but big plans dependent on loans and support from you. Nor to allow such a man to impregnate you. He does sound excessively jealous, too.
Apart from what might indeed be am excessive sense of inferiority, he is presumably challenged by being so dependent on you - but can't he go out and get a job and support himself ?
Maybe consult a group like POWA about safe ways to leave such an emotionally abusive man ; it does indeed not sound as though there is any joy to be had by remaining with him. Do you have family or friends you could go to, for safety and security ? If the place where you stay belongs to you you could presumably have him removed and change the locks, and perhaps get a court order to forbid him from approaching you or your home or place of work, and he could be jailed if he ignores such an order.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mary | 2012/08/23

Ladies thanks for the advise i will do what is best for me the sad part is this morning his son asked me why his dad is always so mad and angry i felt like crying i guess its not only me who is feeling the abuse and he is just 10 yrs old

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Liza | 2012/08/23

In my experience, people usually start accusing their partners of infidelity when THEY''RE the guilty ones who''ve cheated.

His behavior is not going to change unless he gets therapy and actually works on changing his behavior. From what you''ve described, I sincerely doubt whether he''d be willing to do this because he''d have to admit that his attitude is a BIG problem.

My ex-husband also had a problem with me earning more than him. To the extent that he continually criticized everything I did or said, breaking down my self-esteem until I was a very well-trained doormat. It took a divorce and serious counseling for my self-esteem to recover. Don''t let this man do the same to you... If you haven''t started running yet, now is definitely the time to start!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: leila | 2012/08/23

Mary
Did you tell him how his attitude and accusations makes you feel? Would you feel safe / comfortable talking to him about what makes you so unhappy? If not, then you should really try to get out of this destructive relationship. It is not good for either you or the baby.
Good luck i really hope that everything works out for the better.

Reply to leila
Posted by: Nini | 2012/08/23


Couldnt have said it better myself Queen!

By this age in his life he is already established as a man. You helped him out financially, you are NOT cheating on him, and you are carrying his child, yet he has the nerve to make you feel as if you''re doing something wrong? Yes there are 2 sides to a story, but your side doesnt sound too happy, and therefore I also say GET OUT.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Queen | 2012/08/23

My advise to you Mary is: Run!

He''s 38yrs old and nothing about him is gonna change. Yes he is suffering from inferiority complex and no it doesn''t get better. He doesn''t know what defines a man. If you stay with him, you will spend your days trying to prove to him that you are not cheating on him, that you are not better than him financially, that he is a man....

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Romany | 2012/08/23

Judy?
I am trying to establish the ö ther"  side of the story. I am sure you are aware of the fact that a story has 2 sides?
Mary is pregnant with this man''s child and she wrote for help. Certainly she wants to resolve the matter?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Judy | 2012/08/23

Romany? Why should everything be about man? Man this Man that.
Mary you have made a mistake slowly find out the way to end this if you can. And talk to him tell him about your feelings. Money is not the end of the world you will finish paying him but you dont need him now instead he needs you. F him

Reply to Judy
Posted by: Romany | 2012/08/23

Yes Mary, that is why I am asking,.

Are you maybe acting superior and " above him"  somehow?

Men do not like to feel inferior towards women. They want to feel that they are either on the same level as their woman or better.

I was just wondering....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Mary | 2012/08/23

Thanks you CS for the advise
@ Romany I am not a director he is the one who claims i must date directors and people who went to university due to his complex

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Romany | 2012/08/23

Mistake number one : Being pregnant from a man that has not made a commitment to you.
Mistake number two: Claiming you are " Educated like a Director"  and you cannot spell, use the " tab"  key or punctuation......
Maybe you are pretending to be too grand and educated and superior? Maybe this is giving him an inferiority complex? Maybe if you just accept who and what you are, he will too?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/22

Hi Mary, Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad and facing such disappointment. Obviously you now realize that its not often wise to get involved with someone with a history of failed relationships, or one with financial difficulties but big plans dependent on loans and support from you. Nor to allow such a man to impregnate you. He does sound excessively jealous, too.
Apart from what might indeed be am excessive sense of inferiority, he is presumably challenged by being so dependent on you - but can't he go out and get a job and support himself ?
Maybe consult a group like POWA about safe ways to leave such an emotionally abusive man ; it does indeed not sound as though there is any joy to be had by remaining with him. Do you have family or friends you could go to, for safety and security ? If the place where you stay belongs to you you could presumably have him removed and change the locks, and perhaps get a court order to forbid him from approaching you or your home or place of work, and he could be jailed if he ignores such an order.

Reply to cybershrink

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